So here goes nothing- after months of living in denial, I am sitting at gate C12 at Dulles waiting to board my flight that will take me to Frankfurt, Germany. Because of the storms that hit the East Coast this afternoon, my flight is delayed (a sign that I'm not supposed to go, perhaps...?) There's no saying how long the delay is because the plane we're supposed to take, that came from Rome, got diverted to Norfolk, VA and hasn't left to come up to Washington yet... so.... we wait.
My anxiety about leaving is not as high as it was a few days ago, which I guess is a positive. I keep looking about leaving for this year as I looked on bungee jumping the two times I did it- I thought it would be super cool, signed up for it, and then was care free on the whole way up to the top...and then when it came time to jump I flipped out and had to have the instructors calm me down until I was finally able to jump...and once I jumped, my fate was in the hands of a bungee cord. So that's kind of like this journey- I accepted my Fulbright, knowing it was an incredible experience and very prestigious, and then went on to have an incredible summer with my dearest friends, not thinking about leaving for Germany at all...and then the time to leave came and I freaked out. But I accepted that I had to go, and here I am at the gate, and now we see what fate has in store for me.
Don't get me wrong- I do realize what an incredible opportunity this is for me. Spending a year in Germany on a Fulbright, in a new city, meeting new people, and seeing new places. It was just so incredibly difficult to say goodbye to my friends and to Boston and to a life that I know and love so much. Like, when people make changes, it's usually because they're unhappy or want to try something new.... well, I was perfectly happy with my life and I almost feel like I'm being forced to go move across the world when I don't want to.
I know I won't feel like that in a couple weeks once I'm settled and everyone back home is bored with their same old routines, and also, if there's ever any time for me to get up and move abroad for a year, now would be it. I'm not tied down by anything, and I know in the end it's going to be an incredible experience. I had crazy anxiety before I left for my semester abroad too, though, and look how amazing that turned out.
I just hate change and moving... and this is a pretty big change and a pretty big move! Hopefully this plane gets here soon so I can get the worst part of the journey done-- the flying.
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