I'm not over it.

Now that I'm back abroad, I spend a lot of time on Facebook.  I'm not usually one who even signs onto Facebook chat, but when abroad, it's the easiest way to get in touch with people in your city about plans, because most of us have pay-as-you-go phones. Also, with the six hour time difference between here and the East Coast, it makes it easier to catch people quickly if they happen to sign on for a bit.

All of this time on Facebook though, has got me thinking... and I've realized that Facebook in a way glorifies our lives.  I've been keeping in touch with a good number of friends back home, and they are all aware of the struggles I'm encountering with moving to Germany and having to leave behind a life that I was in love with and was in no way ready or happy to leave.  But for anyone else besides these friends whom I've spoken of deeper feelings to were to look at my Facebook, they would think that I was having the time of my life-- like I was in freakin' Dirty Dancing or something.  Haha... comic relief, anyone?

Now yes, yes, yes, I KNOWWWWW that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity- to go live abroad for a year while I have no familial or fiscal responsibilities, while I'm 22 going on 23, all of this while only working twelve hours a week.  I know all of that.  But that doesn't change the fact that my Facebook posts and pictures only show one side of the story.  I'll admit, returning to Heidelberg was amazing, the Okotberfest celebration Katherine and I went to was a blast, riding a horse through Münsterland brought me types of happiness I haven't felt in years, jetting off to Ireland during school break to visit summer friends was super clutch, but that's all only half of it.

I'm obviously not going to post about the hardships on Facebook or take pictures when I'm sad, though.  But this is what a blog if for, right?  People can choose to read it or not.  When I was abroad in Heidelberg, my hardships revolved more around learning to live in a new country- adjusting to the language barrier, figuring out how to grocery shop, figuring out how to use the public transportation system... those are all things I already know how to do this time around in Germany.  And I'll admit, the fact that grocery shopping is no problem, and that taking the bus or the train somewhere doesn't require a second thought has made the adjustment infinitely easier, but there's still more.

I was skyping with my mother today and I finally said it out loud- I'm not over BC.  It's like, when it takes you a long time to get over an ex or a broken friendship- this is how I feel about BC.  If I go out, I'll be having a grand time, and all of a sudden I get super sad and just want to go back to a bar in Boston- where I know how everything works and I know what to wear and I know everything about my friends and how they act if they're drinking or if they're with certain people.  Or even if I'm biking to school in the morning- I just want to be hiking up the million dollar stairs to Devlin or Lyons or Gasson, and saying hello to people in the quad, or people-watching on our bench.  Or if I'm grabbing food at the grocery store, I'd rather be grabbing food at Lower or realizing that I have no food in my fridge in Gabelli and going for Moogy's or Boloco or Pino's.  I'm not over BC.

And what makes it even more difficult is that I am pining for a life that doesn't exist for me anymore.  Again, Facebook glorifies everything again in the sense that I still have myriad Facebook friends who are students at BC, so seeing their posts and pictures every minute doesn't help me to get over a life that has ended for me.  When I was abroad junior year, a YOLO mentality was much easier because I knew that I had another year at BC left.  I was returning to all of my friends, my school, my activities, my classes, my city, and all with new stories and adventures in my pocket.  This time around though, that security doesn't exist.  I have no idea what I'll be doing when I leave Germany, I have no idea where my friends will be-- considering that now they're all over the freakin' world!  (See map for just a small sample size)

All of that is just really scary.  And for some reason, it doesn't make being in Germany for me any easier.  I'm not really any more sure of what I want to do with my life than I was six months ago.  I did get around to a bit of motivation today though and created an online GRE account and am aiming to take the GREs up in Hamburg the first or second week of December, maybe apply to a few grad programs after that before the deadlines in January, and Katherine and I found a half marathon in Cologne in February that we're going to sign up for.  It's just quite strange to go from four years at BC where everything revolved around deadlines for papers, dates for midterms and finals, afternoons for games, evenings for performances, nights for work, weekends for parties... to go from all of that to very little structure or purpose whatsoever.

I really am trying to be optimistic about all of this, and am hoping that these feelings are just the valley of the ups and downs of living abroad- changes of which I'm well aware after spending half a year in Germany in 2011.  I guess I just wanted to express that while there have been some wonderful experiences thus far, now into my second month over here, it's not just all traveling and eating and drinking beer- it's a lot of emotional stuff too, which is of course harder to talk about.

As for getting over BC though, I guess all it takes is time...

For here all are one and our hearts are true, and the towers on the Heights reach to Heaven's own blue...

Probably my favorite night at MA's. Ever.  With some of my favorite people. Ever.

No sleep and past the point of a healthy level of emotions on Commencement morning.

Hamburgers in Hamburg

Alright, well I didn't actually eat a hamburger in Hamburg...but I did hang out with some Hamburgers!  And this is the story...

One of the teachers at my friend Rae's school was driving up to Kiel the same time I had to go to Hamburg so I did a mitfahr with him, and got to experience the Autobahn!  There really is no speed limit...but it was also pouring rain the entire trip so we didn't go very fast at all.  Arrived in Hamburg and my friend Evan, another Fulbrighter whom I met at orientation met up with me and we grabbed some lunch at Frau Moeller- very cheap but very delicious.  Then we went back to his flat and I got to see a bit of the outside of the city, and then around five met up with Paul!  His dad works for a shipping company (hence the Hamburg location) and they have a lovely flat overlooking the Alster, the big lake in Hamburg, very close to downtown.  Had some dinner and then ventured to the other side of the city to meet up with some other Fulbrighters for some predrinks before we headed downtown to some bars.

I had no idea how big Hamburg was!  So of course, when I woke up on Saturday morning, I read the Wikipedia page to discover that Hamburg has 1.8 million people.  I always knew it was the second biggest city in Germany, after Berlin, but for some reason just did not think it was that big.  Hamburg is also the second largest port city in Europe after Rotterdam.  How's that for some fun facts?!

Did some sightseeing on Saturday- visited the beautiful and ornate Rathaus and climbed the tower of the St. Petrikirche.  Unfortunately I am writing this blog post on a friend's computer, so I can't attach any photos- but per usual, if you are friend with me on Facebook, you can see all of them there!  For dinner Paul cooked up a nice pasta with homemade sauce (he is such a good cook and made my abilities...or lack thereof, look so pathetic haha) and then we ventured out to the same predrinking location as the previous night, but better stocked this time!  The night before, we had gotten super lost on the way, so we were excited to know our way there for Saturday night... but nope.  We got lost again.  Ended up taking a cab to the flat because we couldn't be bothered to continue working.  This is the problem with relying on your iPhone for absolutely everything in America, and then moving to Germany where your iPhone only works via wifi :(

Finally made it though!  And we succeeded in a truly Hamburg Saturday night-- barhopping along the Reeperbahn (infamous for its red light district- the second largest after Amsterdam I think- and which women are not even allowed on certain streets) and then ending the night around 6am at the Fischmarkt with some fresh fish sandwiches!  Let's just say, raw herring is not my cup of tea after a night of drinking.  I always aim to take part in the city traditions though! Finally ended the night at the final night of the Hamburger Okotberfest in a massive beerhall with a crazy band and just as many old and middle-age drunk people as young people our age.  Andddd called it a night around 7am.

Took approximately the entire day of Sunday to recover from the long night.  Now I understand why everything in Europe is closed on Sunday- they all stay out way later than us!!  Paul and I walked around the entire Alster though just as the sun was setting so that I could at least mark off one accomplishment for the day.  An almost five mile walk though was probably not the best thing for that day though, as I was dying by the end.

Monday was my final day in Hamburg.  Paul and his dad left early for work so I met up with some of the Fulbrighters a little later and we walked on the Reeperbahn during daylight- so strange!  And climbed another church tower..St. Pauli I think?  I noted in a previous post about how sad it was that we made a bunch of friends at Orientation but then all had to move all over the country, but as the same time, it's pretty neat, because you can go basically anywhere in Germany and have a contact!  When I was abroad, we always had to stay in hostels when we travelled, so the costs added up quickly.  This time around though, I've stayed in a hostel only for the first night in Cologne.

Caught my train back around 3:45 and was welcome by a sunny Muenster!  So all in all, had a nice time in Hamburg.  It was my first time in northern Germany- and I'll be honest and say I'm a much bigger fan of southern Germany than northern.  The cultures aren't too different, at least from what I've experienced, but they're different enough that I can have a bias.  The Hamburger dialect is also a bit strange- there were some people I heard that I couldn't understand at all.  And as I noted earlier, the city is HUGE.  Too big for my liking actually- but that's one of the reasons we travel right?  To figure out what we do and do not like!

So again, apologies for the lack of pictures in the post.  I'm finishing up day two in Ireland, which will be my next blog post for when I get back- I'm sure that post will also be more interesting, as it will be closer to the heart since already, this visit is bringing back so many memories from this summer!

Cowgirls in Deutschland

I've made a German friend since being in Münster- her name is Katharina and she has a horse!  One day she asked if I liked to ride horses, and I responded with a resounding YES!  Then I remembered... Oh wow....I haven't ridden a horse in about seven years...This little tidbit didn't seem to phase Katharina though, and on Sunday we took a drive out to Münsterland (maybe a fifteen minute drive from downtown) to the farm where she keeps her horse, Cheval.  Now this farm is legit- it's got endless acres of corn, great big open pastures, tractors, pigs, chickens, horses, guinea pigs, dogs, and more!  Luckily it was the most beautiful fall day- the first truly glorious day I've witnessed in Münster since arrival, reminded me rightly of Boston fall days...

Katharina rents out Cheval, and so there were some girls there to ride him which we had not anticipated, but luckily they agreed to let me ride him for a half hour or so, and Katharina and I are planning to do a few hour ride on Thursday, if the weather holds up.  Anyways, got on the horse, and it really was like riding a bike!  As I said, don't think I've even touched a horse in seven years, but it came back to me right away, despite this being my first time in a Western saddle.  It definitely helped though, that Cheval was incredibly well-behaved and didn't spook at all.

Walked, trotted, cantered along the great open fields, and fell in love with riding again!  Afterwards, we went to feed some of the other horses and spent a while just playing with them- I love them so much!  Katharina said we could keep going (although I've never ridden in the winter...) but the thought of continuing to interact with the horses out on the farm is actually super exciting!  I'm generally a happy and cheerful person, but there are only a few things that make me really happy in the moment, and besides being surrounded by friends I love, riding and being around horses is one of them, which is actually kind of funny since I've always been a city girl.  I have absolutely no idea what I want to do when I get back to the States next year, but I always knew I wanted to be in Boston because I love the city, the people, and know it so well.  But I've always kind of had this curiosity in the back of my mind to spend some time in the Midwest or South and experience a completely different kind of life than the Northeastern that I have lived in nearly my entire life.  This all goes back to my newfound obsession with country music that began this summer.  So who knows, if I keep finding happiness on the farm and with the horses, maybe I'll look to go move out there for a while- who knows?!

Oktoberfesting in September

Contrary to popular belief, the German celebration of Okotoberfest actually occurs mostly in September and carries into the first week or so of October.  Katherine came up to visit me in Münster this weekend (we are actually in a long-distance relationship, I'm aware hahaha) and after spaziering around the city all afternoon and drinking kaffee and enjoying the sunshine that decided to finally make an appearance, we put on our dirndls and made our way to this (in)famous celebration!

After studying abroad in Germany for a semester, majoring in it, and now living here for a year, I told myself that it was okay to shell out some money on a dirndl.  I'll at least wear it again for Karneval and then Frühlingsfest...and then every Halloween for the rest of my life.  Katherine was fortunately able to borrow my friend Ashleigh's dirndl.  After getting ready, we walked about thirty minutes to the outskirts of the city, where Okotberfest was being held in a giant tent.  Until we got really close, we definitely got a lot of interesting stares from people...two girls walking around in dirndls holding beer bottles.  Upon arrival though, we fit in perfectly. 

Now of course, the Münster celebration is probably 537803x smaller than the true Oktoberfest in München, but I didn't try hard enough to make plans to travel down there, nor had the money to spend, but this one sufficed perfectly.  I can go pretty crazy, but based on things I've heard, München may even be too crazy for me, unless one day I've got solid plans made way in advance as well a big group to go with me that includes lots of native Germans.  So a single tent six-midnight shindig suited me and Katherine just fine :)

Walked into a dimly lit tent to hundreds of Germans in their dirndls and lederhosen eating, drinking, and being merry.  Germans of every age!  Well...no Kinder... but like all ages from us to the very old!  I also told Katherine at one point that I don't think I had ever seen so many white people in one place at the same time.  Went straight for the bar, ordered some steins, and basically walked in circles figuring out the best way to find German friends so it wasn't just us being pathetic all night.

Didn't take long for the liquid courage to sink in, and once the band started playing we moved closer to all the tables in the middle to do some tanzen and started talking to some German guys about the fact that the table next to us looked like it was about to break because a group of at least ten definitely over fifty year olds was jumping up and down on it.  Miraculously though, the bench never broke!  German engineering at its finest!

the aforementioned bench!

So these guys didn't speak a lot of English so we actually spoke German to them the whole night, which ended up being a solid amount of hours.  And of course it's easier to speak another language when you've had a bit to drink because you're not obsessing over how precisely you're speaking it, so we ended up having an absolute blast!  And that was the largest chunk of time I've spoken German since I've gotten here (can't believe it's only been three weeks!) so I was happy about that.

making friends

Probably my favorite part of the night, was when the band played "Sweet Caroline."  Obviously, I can't go to the BC football games this season, and the band didn't play it at the first game that I was able to attend, so when we heard those famous opening "duh duh duhhh"s, Katherine and I nearly fell off the table we were so excited.  We screamed the whole song and lamented the end of our college days wahhhh.  But I digress...

After singing and dancing and drinking and Spass macht-ing, the Fest ended at midnight and of course, this being Europe, we had to move on to another club and stayed there til about two.  Clubbing in dirndls and lederhosen... well now I can cross that one off my list! We continued to have a great weekend- finally got admitted to ourselves that we were too tired and hungover to do ExtraBlatt buffet for breakfast, so we slept another hour, and then spent a solid hour shopping in the market buying ingredients for our dinner- fresh carrots, peppers, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, bread, and chicken, and noodles.  Most likely the freshest meal I've ever eaten in my life!  We spent a lovely day walking around the city (the sun was shining again!) and spent some time by the Aasee, and then spent the night with some of the Münster Massive and somehow managing to end up once again, at some crazy hard-rock/metal grungy metal club, where I looked a little out of place trying to get jiggy with it in my sparkly shirt.  Sometimes I miss BC and Boston nightlife and always knowing what to wear!

Regardless though, another great visit with Katherine, and a great couple days of becoming more immersed in German culture! :)