In two weeks from tomorrow, I'll be back home in Virginia, and I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions. Nearly all the assistants in Münster left a couple weeks ago and the Americans in the area are now beginning to trickle out. We all got together last night at Bradon's in Essen as kind of a farewell bash because it was the last time that we would all be together in a big group. So, on the one hand I'm actually kind of bored and am just kind of counting down the days until it's time to go home and see my friends and family whom I've missed so much...but on the other hand, I see my kids in class and some of my co-workers with whom I've formed good relationships and we all know that we only have a limited time left, and that's really sad and I'm starting to get emotional about that. And of course, as I did when I was abroad, I'm starting to make lists of all the things I'm excited about, but also the things I'm really going to miss. When I returned home from abroad, there was a possibility that I would be returning to Germany really soon, and sure enough I was awarded the Fulbright, and just a year after I returned home, I set off for Germany again. This time though, I'm returning home to start a two-year Masters program and will most likely begin teaching after that, so Germany is not in my near future at all, and that fact makes it all that more final.
Since we had a late night in Essen last night (I should really say early morning haha) I didn't get out of bed until almost three and I haven't even left the apartment today. I've just been starting to pack up things, like a big box of winter stuff to mail home, and going through stacks and stacks of papers and brochures I have, deciding what stays and what goes.
In one word- purging.
Oh yes, the infamous purging. And after thinking about it a bit more, I realized that this whole month is about purging in so many ways. I've been living in Germany nearly a year now, and I must pack up my life into a few suitcases to move back to America, and that requires lots of purging of papers and clothes and everything that I've amassed throughout all my travels and activities this year. I'm by no means a hoarder, but I'm definitely not a good purger. I get very attached to all of my things and find it very hard to get rid of anything- but I'm doing pretty well so far.
This attachment doesn't just stop at material things though, I grow very attached to people and social connections. Just a little while ago, I went through the contacts on my phone, which had gotten to be over 200, and deleted about 70 numbers of people whom I know I'll never talk to again, and people in Germany whose number I would never ever need again (plus these numbers won't even work when I'm back in the States). When I graduated from BC last May, I spent a solid hour on Facebook and deleted about 400 "friends" and I've started going through and doing that again-- people I may have met once or people I haven't talked to in years, and that's definitely tough for me. I'm a very social person and I always like seeing what old acquaintances are up to and there's no denying the way that Facebook helps our social lives-- sometimes I'll post things and people will respond, people whom I didn't even remember I was friends with, and it was something really useful. I'm trying to look at this purge in a different light, and think of it more as a purging of people I just really don't need to know about anymore. It sometimes blows my mind, when I meet someone randomly and we exchange numbers and then continue contact for a while via phone or Facebook and then if I never see them again, I just get annoyed. But twenty years ago--hell, even ten years ago, social media and texting weren't dominant so perhaps you'd meet someone, and okay, that was it! Seriously. Mind-blowing.
Also, since most of my friends are now gone, I'm using that to my advantage to not spend money so I can at least take a bit of money home at the end of the month and since I've already paid for my gym membership for the month, I figure that what better way to not spend extra money or consume extra calories then spending most of my time at the gym!? And there's more purging for you- purging excess pounds just in time for bikini season ;) I actually have grown to really like my gym after the last six months and I'm going to be sad to leave it! I finally know some of the people there and recognize the other regulars and know who will be there when I go on what days and certain times. Just like a regular ;)
Seriously, I've already winked too many times in this post. Please see my last post about winking. It's becoming a problem.
I'm sure you saw the title of this post though, and thought I was going to reveal some juicy gossip. Sorry, folks. I know I'm not one to keep any kind of secret, but even I'm not bold enough to release my "dirty little secrets" into cyberspace. The song of that name by All-American Rejects came on shuffle earlier while I was puuurging, and I listened to the lyrics and decided that part of this purging is purging such dirty little secrets and getting over things I've done or things that have happened that make me upset with myself or with society or certain people. I'm starting the next chapter in my life in just a couple months when I move to Nashville to start my Masters at Vandy-- new subject matter, new university, new city, new friends, new region of the country-- so many new things to look forward to, and I don't want to spend any more time lamenting and being emo about things that have or haven't happened in the last year-- so I'm trying to purge myself of those negative thoughts!
No comments:
Post a Comment