"Waiting for the Sun" (Still...)

When I went up to Hamburg last month for Paul’s birthday, he made guacamole both nights and we feasted on the delicious green mush.  Afterwards, I was inspired to make my own guacamole, especially the weekend of Cinco de Mayo.  Well, lo and behold the German supermarket industry, I couldn’t find avocados in three different grocery stores.  I gave up finally, but was always on the lookout for the green monsters.  I popped into Netto just now because I had absolutely no food and was pretty hungry and there they were- three avocados!  I snatched up two and made my way home.  Cut and peeled one, and decided the second wasn’t yet ripe…well, the first one wasn’t yet ripe either since I could barely mash it even after trying to melt it a bit in the microwave.

So here I am now, sitting in my room nomming on crunchy guacamole and trying to tally the list of fails that have happened in the past week.  (Also, my internet has been blacking out all day so I wasn’t able to look up if unripe avocados are poisonous or anything… so if they are, well that will be the final fail of the week, and I guess of my life. Lol.)

Before last Friday night, things were actually going great- Rae and I had a blast at Frühlingsfest in Stuttgart—we actually ended up at gay night which was the biggest party I’ve ever seen, and then had a nostalgia tour meeting up with Katherine and Sarah in Heidelberg and going to Eckstein.  Rae and I did some quality shopping time in Dortmund on Monday and on Thursday, I headed back to Dortmund to see 77 Bombay Street, a Swiss folk-rock band, in concert with Becca, which was a ton of fun…but after all that, the fails started.

Me and Rae and Stuttgarter Frühlingsfest

Sarah, me, and Katherine reunited in HD!

77 Bombay Street in Dortmund

I guess I’ll rewind back to a week ago- last Friday night when the biggest fail of them all happened.  If you haven’t heard from me personally then you probably don’t know because unlike the first time, I didn’t broadcast it.  After having my second new iPhone 5 for three months, it got stolen once again in Germany.  I wish I were kidding.  Unlike last time though, when I was fairly drunk in Cologne celebrating Karneval and had it out and on the table and someone swiped it when I wasn’t looking, in this scenario, I was basically completely victimized.  A group of us went out to Eule, a small nightclub right in the city center.  I didn’t really want to go out because I had been feeling pretty depressed all week (a combination of PMS and the fact that exactly one year ago I had been celebrating the happiest week of my life with my best friends at BC right before we crossed the threshold to become alumni) plus I had to be up at seven the next morning to catch a train to Lübeck.  Almost all the other assistants in Münster are leaving next week though, because their contracts end this month, whereas the American contract ends at the end of June, so I thought that it would be good to go.  It ended up being a lot of fun- we got to the club and were all dancing and having a good time, except for this German guy that kept following our group around.  He was pretty annoying but we just kept avoiding him.  Anyways, about an hour later, I was standing at the bar with Rae and the stupid guy came back and came right up to me and like ran into me, and about two minutes later I did my “every five minutes Sabrina checks to make sure she has her phone because no way is she going to let it get stolen again” check and of course, it was gone, and then I realized that the guy had bumped my side right where my purse was hanging.  I grabbed Jon and we searched the club but couldn’t find him anywhere.  I went up to security and told them about it, and there was another girl there whose phone had also just been stolen and she was describing the same guy.

So there it is.  Two iPhone 5’s gone in four mounths.  One in Cologne and one in Münster.  But seriously- Münster of all places?!  And this guy was like a German student around our age- definitely not expected at all.  At this point, I almost wish I had just been an idiot and lost it myself so I could at least blame myself and know who to be upset with.  In this case though, it was completely out of my control—okay yes, I could’ve not gone out, but what, am I supposed to just be a recluse and stay in my room until I go back to America so that my things don’t get stolen?  I guess this last year has just been a series of events in which I just feel really helpless.  Events at the very end of the summer left me feeling helpless and confused, and then I had to move to Germany and I remember during my first few weeks here and again, just feeling so helpless and literally like I was stuck here for the next ten months and not even being able to fathom the concept.  When the winter and darkness hit and didn’t end, I again was helpless to the forces of mother nature, and then when my phone got stolen the first time, I felt helpless in the fact that I was now stuck in dark and cold Germany with no contact to anyone back home (yes, I realize I have my computer but the wifi in my apartment is wicked bad and my computer is now five years old and approaching its last days).  Thankfully, I went home for a week in February and was rejuvenated with some energy going into March for travels to Munich, Paris, Berlin, and Montpellier. 

Things started looking up again as spring began to make itself known, but again, I was helpless to my allergies, never knowing when they were going to attack.  And now we reach the latest fail- the weather.  Germany is facing a Siberian Spring, as my favorite pub labeled it in a Facebook post today.  Today the high reached 11 degrees, which is about 52 Fahrenheit, and it’s been pouring rain all day.  The high this weekend is not even supposed to hit above 50, and grey skies have plagued the country for almost two weeks now.  I think the last time I actually saw more than a tiny sliver of blue sky was two weeks ago when I was in Heidelberg.  The grey skies here though, are unlike grey skies I’ve ever seen before, although nine months here, they really have become my norm.  Usually, it’s grey for maybe a day, or if there are clouds, they’re covering up a blue sky whereas here, the sky is blanketed in grey to the point where you can’t even see clouds, and when there are clouds, they are hard to distinguish because they are grey clouds covering up a grey sky.

So once again, I feel myself helpless to the forces of the weather.  I find myself not wanting to do anything but sleep or just sit on my computer finding warmth underneath my covers.  Going to school for just one lesson today seemed like the hardest thing in the world and I didn’t even feel better after I went to the gym.

I mentioned that on Saturday morning I had to catch a train to Lübeck- Becca and I went up to northern Germany for two nights and stayed with Corbin, another Fulbrighter.  I think that visit was exactly what I needed- it was hard traveling without my phone, but I had Becca and Corbin—we explored the beautiful city of Lübeck, ate marzipan, helped Corbin with cooking amazing meals, and had really great conversation which again got me wicked excited to start grad school in August and to be academically stimulated and challenged after a year a complete dearth of such things. 

Lübeck is a city with a feel similar to Münster and Heidelberg, but it’s the “Hansa Stadt” meaning that up until the 20^th century, it was an independent city, retaining much power because of its access to the sea.  During WWII, the city only got bombed once, as a test actually, so nearly the entirety of the city is centuries and centuries old, and as we walked along the narrow streets, I really felt like I was in the Europe that people think of when they think of France and Spain and Italy—a Europe that you don’t get a lot in Germany because so much of the country has been rebuilt. 

The famous Lübeck gate

Most famous marzipan in the world!

Corbin and Becca- exploring Gänge

Viking village...or the Shire??

 On Monday, Becca and I headed to Kiel, but stopped in Plön on the way, a small city next to huge lake.  It was fairly warm that day, but completely foggy and grey, so it was actually difficult to differentiate between the lake and the sky—a cool effect, I guess?  We then arrived in Kiel, and despite being on the coast in Schleswig-Holstein, we ate at a traditional Bavarian restaurant.  Our train wasn’t until 6:30pm the next day (Monday and Tuesday were religious holidays in our state) so we had planned to take a one hour boat ride through the Kiel canal up to the beach of the Ostsee (Baltic Sea), but yet again another fail- we awoke to grey skies and pouring rain which only got worse as the day went on.  Unfortauntely, 95% of Kiel was destroyed in the war, so there is actually nothing to do or see there (even Germans will admit to this fact), but Kiel’s attraction for tourists is its access to the Ostsee, but we couldn’t do that.  So Becca and I had to spend the day finding ways to bide our time and stay out of the rain.  We did get a nice lunch at the Kieler Brauerei, which was quite nice, and I bought a shirt at the mall that says “WAITING FOR THE SUN.”  I had seen it on a mannequin on Sunday in Lübeck and decided I had to have it because it basically defines this year for me.  Maybe if the back said something like, “AND LOOKING FOR MY PHONES.” 

Plön

Kieler Hafen

This is a "lunch" in Germany

Overall though, I liked northern Germany more than I expected, but I think that’s because it wasn’t the winter, when the sun shines there for maybe six hours a day.  I do wish it hadn’t have rained though or we had at least seen a tiny bit of sun so I could’ve put my toes in the sand and in the Ostsee just once.  It looks like there’s no reprieve from this cold streak until the end of next week, but I’m really trying not to let it get me down, it’s hard though.  I ordered a used iPhone 3GS off of Amazon and it was shipped yesterday so I’m hoping it gets here before Sunday, and then I’ve got to hash out even more money to set up a new number for the third time, and then I can once again be connected to everyone.  As I said, unlike the first time this happened and I was just completely depressed and literally counting down the hours until I got on the plane back to Washington, I’m less depressed this time and just more annoyed and exhausted and that key word again, feeling helpless. 

A Maturing Sense of Time

I realized something when I was on the train home from Mainz yesterday, and it's something that I believe is happening to all recent college graduates, but something even intensified by living abroad--and that's a changing sense of time.  In college, everything was fast-paced and everyone was always busy and had a million things to do, but by the time senior year rolled around, I saw all of my friends basically at least once a day, whether it was in class, in my room, in their room, in the library, in the Rat, at band rehearsal, at work, or heading out to the Mods, MAs, or downtown.  If I didn't see one of my close friends for two or three days, it was a big deal.  It was something to be talked about.  It was a point of worry, sometimes even contention.

Boy, have things changed.  My closest friends that are also in Europe- if I see them once every few months, that's a big deal.  I've visited Paul in Hamburg three times now, and have visited Katherine four times and she's visited me once and then we saw each other at the Berlin conference, and Mollie and I saw each other for a total of two and a half weeks in March.  These are considered major accomplishments.  Now yes, I realize the distance thing is the main factor holding back more frequent visits-- but this is why I refer to a maturing sense of time.  Because we come to cherish these infrequent visits for all that they're worth because we can no longer take for granted that we'll all see each other in our apartments, at work, at rehearsal, walking across the quad, and no longer are our friends a walk across campus.

Besides friends that are cities and countries away, I've got a number of other assistant friends in my own city of Münster, and seeing them once every couple weeks is perfectly sufficient.  There may be a greeting of, "Oh wow, I haven't seen you in weeks!"  But unlike in college, this was never a point about which to quarrel or dwell on, rather just a simple fact of life.  I remember when I was younger and always thinking it so strange that my mom only saw her supposedly "good friends" every few weeks or so, or how she could have so many friends that she only saw a couple times per year.  When I went away to college almost five years ago, obviously I lost a lot of high school friends because we just stopped keeping in touch, but those with whom I stayed close, I only see them a few times a year (and this year even less), but that doesn't make them any less close to me.  I guess this is all part of growing up and as I said, maturing. 

Anyways, food for thought.

So, for those who don't know- I went to Heidelberg this past weekend to run the half marathon!  I ran with Katherine and two other ETAs who live near her, Selma and Heidi.  Needless to say, Katherine and I were not at all looking forward to this race.  We had been training quite a bit...until we had three straight weeks of vacation and traveling one month before the race.  I was supposed to run a half at the end of February but had to cancel that because I ended up going home that week.  Before that, I was up to eleven miles in training, but once I got back, it was MSM and non-stop traveling, so I never got back up past eight miles.  Fortunately, thirteen miles wasn't something too daunting, since technically with marathon training last year, I had already run at least five half marathons, but not more than eleven miles in the last year.

Anywaysssss, arrived in Mainz on Friday and Katherine and I ended up getting a bit drunk by accident on Friday night and woke up very hungover on Saturday- it was raining all weekend and we were exhausted by the time we got to Heidelberg on Saturday evening.  We crashed at our friend Eric's place and I kept waking myself up when I turned over on the air mattress and kept hoping that the race was done with, but it wasn't--and when we awoke at 7am by my alarm, I was actually dreading it.  I had only brought shorts and it was wicked cold.

Made our way to Uni Platz, fortunately it wasn't raining.  Found Selma and Heidi, did a bit of stretching, grabbed our numbers, and headed to the start line.  Started at a nice pace, and the weather actually ended up being PERFECT for a race-- just about 50 degrees and overcast.  I won't bore you all with race details, but the race was HILLY! Like WOW!  But it ran through the Altstadt and then through Neuenheim and then up the Philosophenweg and headed through the hills across the river into Schlierbach and then up to the castle and finally back down, ending back at Uni Platz.  The trail running was quite peaceful, but Heidelberg and its surroundings are so beautiful that it was hard not to stop and just bask in the scenery.  The hills were wicked tough, but we all finished!  I nearly didn't, because about 300meters from the finish line after 2km of downhill running, back onto the cobblestone of Hauptstrasse, I completely wiped out and literally rolled over, but I had fallen on my knee and had to run/limp to the finish line.  If it had happened any earlier in the race, I might not have been able to make it to the end. 

About halfway through- you can see the Alte Brücke way in the distance

"Free Beer for Runners"...this was around mile 9 or 10. Only in Germany.

#BostonStrong..and showing off my lovely wounded knee

Fulbrighters conquer the hills of Heidelberg!

As I said...the hills were no joke.

But the race itself was great-- after so much dread, it ended up being a great experience!  I ran Boston over a year ago now and I've since forgotten how exciting race day is and the whole atmosphere and how fun it is to be surrounded by thousands of other crazy people like yourself whose idea of fun is putting their body into a ton of pain!  It got my so psyched to continue racing and to now work on improving my times--hopefully get another half in this summer and then maybe the BAA Half in October and definitely the Country Music Marathon in Nashville next April!

Speaking of Nashville... it's official, I've decided I'll be going to Vanderbilt in the Fall.  A couple months ago, after Berlin, I wrote about perhaps wanting to stay, and that was more than just a fleeting idea-- I actually started applying to three programs, emailing the coordinators, securing my transcripts and diplomas from BC, writing essays, but in the last few days, my mind has moved back the other way and I just feel in my gut that this is the right move for me. 

My life abroad and in Germany is just way too unstable and volatile and lacks structure.  I know that by doing a Masters Program, I'd have much more structure than I do now or did when I was abroad, but in general, I can't continue this emotional roller coaster for another two years.  There are some crazy highs but the there are also some devastating lows.  I know for a fact that I can be happy at Vandy and in Nashville and that I want to teach, but there's too great a risk that I won't be happy if I stay in Germany, and looking back at how depressed I was this past winter, I just can't knowingly and voluntarily place myself in such a situation.  I know myself, and I don't like change and I do like structure and being busy and knowing how to function in a society by expressing myself, and after this crazily un-busy year, I want next year to be busy with learning and teaching and training for more races and watching TV online legally! (lol.)

So yes, I'm moving to Nashville in just a few months- southern Sabrina is becoming a reality after all these years!  I love Germany, and I love so much certain aspects of my life here--the independence, the bread, the bakeries, the lifestyle (sometimes), the attractiveness of the population (yeah, I said it), but I think more than my fondness for all of that is my fondness of the things that I miss in America.  Although I will say that I'm in a more stable state than I was several months ago when I was hating Germany and everything about it and the people and the culture and Europe in general.  And I'm in a better state than I was a few weeks ago when I started having anxiety about starting my degree at Vandy.  I've got an incredible two years ahead of me, that like my Fulbright, will open so many doors for me, and that's not something I should be afraid of, but rather, be excited about.  I've now got exactly two months left, and I'll make the most of them, and Germany and I will absolutely be leaving on good terms.  It won't be a messy breakup but I won't be getting dumped; rather, it will be a mutual parting, and we will always remain friends, saying Auf Wiedersehen with the hope of many more visits planted in our futures.

(But let's get real...we know I'm reaaaallly only returning for gastronomical reasons)

Sam Adams Seasonal

...and Mexican food

Love that dirty water, oh Boston you're my home

I awoke yesterday morning quite late because I didn't have to work...just before 11.  That meant it was 5am back in Boston- I thought to myself how on this same Monday last year, I was waking up full of nerves, putting on my Campus School Marathon jersey, preparing some snacks, and heading down the hill from Gabelli to meet Steph outside of Conte, and then heading to the Campus School to meet the other 100+ runners, so we could hop on a school bus and drive the 21 miles to Hopkinton, to run the Boston Marathon. It was an experience I will never ever forget, although some of my memories from the day are now a bit hazy because of all that excitement and exhaustion that came with the event.

I awoke yesterday morning a lot more emotional than I had expected.  I knew it was Marathon Monday, and I was excited for all the runners and everyone at BC ready to drink and party and cheer on at Mile 21, but as the day went on, I more and more longed to be back in my city.  I couldn't get a live stream of the race when the elites were running, so I had to rely on following the updates via Twitter, rapidly texting my mom about the Kenyans and Ethiopians who always win, and the Americans who were fighting for a medal.  My Facebook feed blew up as the afternoon carried on, as the partying in the mods began, as people started posting their pictures of their friends, of the runners, of the race, everywhere from Newton to Brookline to downtown Copley.  I was even feeling a pang of jealousy that the runners this year got to experience pleasant and ideal running conditions, whereas last year, we faced 85-90 degree temperatures and a scorching sun for a 26.2 mile run.

Those pangs of jealously quickly disappeared though when sometime in the evening I saw the first Twitter notification about bombs going off at the finish line.  Rae was over and we were watching "The Voice"...I made a comment about what I had just read, but didn't realize how serious the blasts had been.  For the next hour, I witnessed Twitter, Facebook, and the news sites blow up with news of the two bombings and those injured.  I eventually found a live stream of the finish line, and was in tears when I saw the deserted and barren finish line-- the Marathon had been stopped, the runners had been rerouted, and the finish line area at Copley Plaza had been evacuated.

I was no longer jealous of runners and of the people at BC, but instead, so completely sad and hurt for them, for everyone in the city, for everyone who had trained for months and months and months, in some cases even years to qualify for Boston, for friends and families who had traveled long distances to specate, and for this city that I love so incredibly much.  If you know anyone who's lived in Boston for at least a few years, they'll tell you that Patriots Day, more commonly known as Marathon Monday, is the biggest day of the year- it's a point of pride and celebration for Boston and Massachussetts, because it's the only place in the country that has this holiday.  The Boston Marathon is arguably the most famous in the country, if not the world, and is one of the most strenuous courses with all its inclines and declines, but it's a course for which every serious runner strives, and part of that is due to the absolutely amazing crowds that turn out to watch throughout the entire course.  I still remember hitting the halfway point last year running by Wellesley College and bursting into tears because the girls screaming for us and cheering for us were just so amazing.  When I hit BC at Mile 21, my friends found me and hopped past the tape and ran with me for nearly half a mile, filming, taking photos, and screaming at me to keep going- I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I can't even remember the moment clearly.

This is what the Boston Marathon is for so many people.  A culmination of blood, sweat, and tears.  Nearly four months of sacrificing a lot of fun times in order to wake up early to run in the freezing cold and ice and snow that make up Boston winters- all for a three or four or five hours run (or two if you're an elite) leading you to the center of the greatest city in the world.

I just can't even begin to fathom how the runners this year are feeling.  I keep trying to think back to how I would be feeling if this had happened last year- my mom and Steph's family were waiting for us at the finish line- I crossed that finish line... These runners must feel relief and are thanking God that they're safe, but then these feelings must be mixed with anxiety and fear and anger.  Unless you've trained for a marathon and suffered through that 26.2, it's hard to understand the mentality behind the marathon.  So many say that a full marathon is more mental than it is physical, and for recreational runners like myself, it's completely true.  If you put in the training, your body can do it-- I learned that during training last year--your body can literally do anything.  It's the mental part that is the hardest.  Forcing yourself to continue when you're in pain and bored and frustrated.  I would just be so incredibly angry if this had happened during my first marathon.

Mike Wise writes for the Post and has ran four marathons himself and was able to more articulately capture such feelings: "For so many who ran, Boston on Monday afternoon was less about a race and more about a platform for so many courageous people to prove to themselves that life does go on, that closure is possible. And to violently intrude on that kind of healing, that perseverance — to layer on tragedy and grief and heartbreak on the day so many watching and running were trying to move past it — is so wrong and personally destructive it’s almost unspeakable. No other major sporting event in the world can the novice line up next to the elite and try to spiritually climb their own Mount Everest. They all have a story of how they used their legs and their heart to conquer, overcome and get to a place of serenity or competitive satisfaction that finishing the oldest and greatest of marathons was supposed to bring them. To hear, “The race is over. There is no alternate finish,” announced at about 4:06 p.m., hurt so much deeper than pain of running 26.2 miles ever could"

(full article here)


What happened yesterday was just absolutely disgusting.  Unfortunately, I'm still so shaken up over it, am still tearing up every few hours when I think about it, that I'm just not able to articulate my thoughts as well as I usually am.  There are however, many articles and statuses and tweets surfacing that capture my sentiments and the sentiments of a, to put it in Obama's words, strong and resilient city.  There's a reason that Boston is known for a rougher crowd and movies like The Departed and The Town.  I just came across this Facebook status and this guy is completely right:

"There are few places in the world that people are prouder to be from than Boston. When you look at how this city, this small town, has handled tragedy you can understand why.... The Boston Marathon is a pure event. It ranks with the Super Bowl, the Olympics, and the Tour de France as one of the most prestigious and renowned sporting events in the world. But unlike the other events it isn’t exclusive. Anyone can enter. Your neighbor, your co-worker, your best friend, your son, your daughter, your significant other. For one day every April, with dedication and hard work, an amateur athlete can ascend to the elite world stage. For one day every April, from Hopkinton to Boston - friends, family and strangers proudly cheer on amateurs with the same passion as any Red Sox player in the bottom of the 9th. It’s magical. It’s perfect...This town has been changed forever today...A year from now the windows in Marathon Sports will have been replaced, but for 26.2 miles, an unprecedented fear will remain. The toll of the day is still unknown, and it is still unclear where to direct our collective anger. I know this town. And I know that in the days to come with the stories of horrific pain, there will also be stories of tremendous bravery. To whoever is responsible, it’s not a good place to have the entire city of Boston looking for you. We have a wicked long memory and are very protective of our own."

What this guy said about the event is spot on.  A marathon is such a collective event.  500,000 spectators line the streets to cheer on 26,000 runners.  For one day, it doesn't matter who you are, you are connected with all of your neighbors.  As a spectator, it's impossible not to be inspired by the runners, and as a runner, it's impossible not to be thankful of the spectators.  A professor at BC wrote a letter to the editor yesterday putting this into perfect words: 

"One of the most common ways terrorist attacks backfire is when the communities they aim to frighten respond not with fear or infighting, but rather with resilience and resolve to strengthen their social bonds beyond what they were before the attack. The blood, sweat, and tears put in by tens of thousands of runners, volunteers, and first responders.  The hundreds of thousands lining up to cheer themselves hoarse for people they don't even know regardless of their ethnicity, religion, or political party."

(full article here) 

And Ezra Klein wrote about the events yesterday as well saying, "The finish line at a marathon is a small marvel of fellowship.  Everyone is there to celebrate how much stronger the runners are than they ever thought they could be.  Total strangers line up alongside the route to yell encouragement.  Bands play.  Some hand out cups of water, Gatorade, even beer.  Others dress up in costume to make the runners smile.  The fact that other people can run this far makes us believe we can run that far.  It's a happy thought.  It makes us all feel a little bit stronger."

And as Kathrine Switzer, the first female runner of the Boston Marathon, said, "If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and watch a marathon."

Klein goes on... "If you are losing faith in human nature today, watch what happens in the aftermath of the attack on the Boston Marathon...This won't be the last time we gather at the finish line to marvel how much more we can take than anyone ever thought possible."

(full article here)

 
Marathon Monday will still be the best day of the year in Boston.  It will still be inspiring and a celebratory day, but it's true- the day has now been forever tainted by these disgusting and inhumane actions.  What was once one of the last remaining pure events will now be an event marked by and remembered, not for the overcoming of obstacles and the accomplishments of the body and spirit, but by tragedy and violence, and even if people try to put this aside, the heightened security measures that will inevitably happen from here on out for this event will absolutely taint what should be a simplistic and pure feat of the human body and spirit.

This is already a week in America marked by tragedy- the Oklahoma City bombings that occurred April 19, 1995 and the Virginia Tech Massacre which happened April 16, 2007...and now the Boston Marathon bombings on April 15, 2013 will be added to that list.  I'm from Virginia and was in high school in Virginia on the day of the Tech shooting, so many people near and dear to me as well as myself are remembering that day today.  Last year, after a two month search led to a tragic ending, my friend Franco Garcia's funeral was on April 18, so I will be remembering that as well on Thursday.  It's a tough week, but with these tragic events I have witnessed amazing humanity and community and strangers coming together in love and friendship and support.  The Boston marathon route runs right through BC's campus at mile 21, and I know that along with all Bostonians, the BC community feels a personal connection to everything that has happened and the love and support outpouring already is incredible.  

When I woke up yesterday morning, I was sad and unhappy that I wasn't in Boston.  By the time evening hit and I heard the news, I was upset and felt helpless that I couldn't be in the city where my heart lies after this terrible incident.  If this was a terrorist action and was meant to instill fear in people, especially runners, I think it had the opposite effect and will inspire even more people to run marathons and even more runners to continue running marathons.  Finishing Boston last April was the most fulfilling feat I've ever accomplished and I've been telling myself that I want to train to do my second marathon next Spring.  After yesterday's events, I am in no way dissuaded, but am determined more than ever before.  

Celebrating reaching Mile 22 last year, right next to the Res, long after my name had sweated off my jersey

0.2 miles away from the finish line on April 16, 2012

The finish line on April 15, 2013

At least we had clean underwear!

The final installment of MSM happened when I went down to Montpellier (on the southern coast...not bad, eh?) to spend the week with Mollie during my spring break.  Getting down there was kind of a nightmare actually... in order to get the cheap RyanAir flight, I had to leave Berlin on Thursday morning (I was sad not to get to spend the weekend there with some of my good friends) and then got back to Münster for about six hours, which gave me just enough time to hit the gym, grab some snacks from the grocery store, and repack my bag for my trip!  Left my apartment around 9:45pm to catch the bus to the train station, my train left at 10pm, and got into Cologne around 12:30am.  Then I had to wait until 2:15am for the shuttle bus to take me to Hahn airport. If this were the summer it would not have been so bad, but even at the end of March, it was still 25 degrees in Germany and the hardest part of my journey was honestly staying sane while I was freezing in the Cologne station.  I'm just so sick of the cold.  SO SICK.  It has seeped into my veins and I think sitting in the steam room at the gym a couple times a week is the only thing stopping my skin from cracking off.  I know I complained a lot last summer about how hot and humid it got and the fact that our house on Foster Street had no AC and for days at a time we were melting and went to bars just to get a reprieve, but this is so much worse.  I've always hated the cold more anyways.  I just hate wearing pants!!

Haha okay, but to continue.  Somehow made it through those couple hours, boarded an equally freezing bus and drifted in and out of slumber during the three hour drive and finally arrived at Hahn Airport around 5am.  Of course it was snowing.  Ran from the bus to the airport, checked in, ate a bit, and finally boarded the again equally freezing plane.  Curled up in a window sleep and woke up as we were landing.  Deplaned and when I stepped outside it was the most amazing feeling to step into fresh air and not feel instantly cold!  It was actually quite cool and grey in Montpellier that whole Friday but I did not mind at all, and that's what I kept telling Mollie when she kept getting upset that the weather for my week down there wasn't amazing.  Anything was better than this year's winter in Germany.

Hopped on the shuttle to downtown where Mollie picked me up at the stop and we went to her apartment.  She had come down with a bug the day before so had taken the day off work and was resting all day so she'd be better for the weekend, and since I was equally exhausted and it wasn't even yet 9, we both just passed out and slept til mid-afternoon.  Got some noms...which in France is of course bread and cheese and carrots and more bread and cheese and pain au chocolats yummmm.

Since we were so tired, we didn't do anything on Friday during the day, but being 22- of course we had to do something at night!  First we went to a party at another one of the assistant's places, Jenelle, who's French roommate was celebrating her birthday.  We got there right when it started and there was only me, Mollie, Sarah, and Jenelle, and then Melanie and her friends who were all French.  The groups were a little segregated, and I felt bad about that but I really did try with my French all week!  So I spoke a little with the French people but the most interesting thing about my week down there was the stark difference between French and Germans.  I can speak German but I rarely speak it because Germans are all basically perfect at English and always want to practice.  French are basically the opposite.  Their English is usually not as good and even when they are pretty good at English, they usually don't want to practice it- so basically no French people I met would speak English to me.  It was on the one hand refreshing, but on the other hand kind of ostracizing because there was so much of the conversations I couldn't participate in.  Germany and France need to find a happy medium!

After that party we headed to another party at Flo's, who's on Mollie's frisbee team.  This party was just a bunch of guys from her team and then me, Mollie, and Jilli.  Sometime around midnight we headed out to a club called Cargo which kind of reminded me of an American club because it played American Top 40 and had American style dancing.  Again- another big difference between Germany and France.  It's so crazy that these are neighboring countries, but I was just picking out soooo many differences!

Noms

We were out pretty late so ended up sleeping til about noon.  It was another rainy day so after some food, Mollie and I headed to Odysseum, the big shopping plaza in town and hit up H&M and then bought lots of groceries to make quiche for dinner!  (And of course bread and cheese)  That night we headed to another French party- it was the birthday of the boyfriend of one of the assistants.  It was in a pretty small apartment and again, there was kind of a segregation between the French and the English speakers.  I was disappointed that the French weren't more friendly.   I know that that's the stereotype, but I've had nothing but positive experiences in France...when I spoke no French, and this time around, I was so excited that I actually knew some French and I could have some conversations with people, but no one really wanted to try with me.  I could actually understand quite a bit of what everyone was saying though, just couldn't really respond!

Might be the only pic of me in Montpellier

It was pouring rain on Saturday night but luckily the club was right across the street.  By night two, I was really missing beer though.  We had drank wine and vodka at the parties and the clubs, and beer is ridiculously expensive in France- but that's just what I'm used to drinking normally.  It was another late night and we slept pretty late again, but spent Sunday exploring Montpellier.  It was quite a grey day, but the city was still gorgeous.  Walked around the narrow streets, passing churches and cafes with baguettes in our hands.  I was so surprised to see palm trees and cyprus trees- but then again, that's the climate of the south!

Love those panoramas

Monday brought about the sunshine and warmth I had been waiting for.  We got up bright and early and joined Yumi and Elith to head to the beach!  We went to one that was a little farther away, but it was absolutely GORGEOUS.  We only stayed for a few hours, but the sun was glorious and it's been so long since I've seem the ocean!  We got lots of food and picnicked on the beach, played some frisbee, and sat and had some coffee at a cafe.  Not even kidding, I had chronic headaches all week and I'm pretty sure it was due to the sunshine.  The light was so foreign to my eyes, that a few straight days of it was painful.  You guys all think I'm being dramatic- but I can't tell you how drastic my mood changes have been since the sun has finally made itself familiar.

Beach town

Hello, Mediterranean

We got back mid-afternoon and it was about 65 degrees so I made Mollie come on a run with me, and I was just so not used to running outside in warm temperatures!  Afterwards, we cooked some dinner and then headed to a bar and sat outside to share some wine with Jilli and Chris and just talk about European life and American life and our futures and whatnot.

On Tuesday, I got up and ran with Sarah, who's currently training for a marathon next month.  After some lunch, I went to school with Mollie.  She works in a primary school, so we visited a 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade class I believe.  French teachers are much stricter with their kids, and I was also surprised to see that the teachers barely speak English.  Mollie was saying that she thinks that's why French people aren't good at English generally, because their teachers aren't good at English.  Which is the opposite in German schools--all the English teachers at my school speak perfect English and even the teachers of other subjects all speak English about as well as I speak German!

We stopped home quickly and then headed to frisbee practice.  I've never played ultimate, so what better time to try than in France!  I had already met some of Mollie's teammates at the gathering on Friday, and I met some more.  It was fun to join the practice of a team sport!  I honestly don't remember the last time I participated in a team sport, because all through college I only focused on working out and running- so it was pretty fun!  And I'm not so scared of the frisbee anymore which is a plus! 

Another note- most everyone knows about the French kissing cheeks greeting, called bizou.  Well, in southern France, you had to kiss THREE times.  To everyone!  No matter where you see them!  I could understand bizouing at a party, but like... teammates walking into sports practice and you have to bizou them three times.  It got a little obnoxious.  I like it.  But I'm still a little weirded out by it.  I like hugging better hahaha.  After practice Mollie, Jilli, and I grabbed some Indian style kebab and then headed to the English pub, the Shakespeare, where one of the guys on the team hosts a bilingual quiz night on Tuesdays.  Alas, there was no Guinness on tap, so I got some weird English stout I had never heard of... 7 euro!  Absolutely absurd.  Oh well.  When in Rome...

I liked the atmosphere of the pub a lot.  When we were ordering drinks, Mollie heard a group of boys speaking German at the table next to us and told me and I got so excited and sat down and started speaking German to them... turns out they were all Swedish and were visiting one guy who was studying in Montpellier.  One lived in Austria and one in Switzerland though, so they all spoke German.  Being Swedish, their English was perfect and they actually could've passed as Americans when they spoke, but I insisted they speak German with me.  It was nice to talk with them if only for a bit though, because the French weren't speaking to me again...c'est la vie.

Headed home when the pub closed just before one and on Wednesday Mollie and I headed to Avignon for the day, a little town about an hour away.  The city is in Provence, a different region than Montpellier.  It's famous for the massive papal palace that housed a number of popes centuries and centuries ago when they were facing strife in Rome and moved the seat of the Holy See for a bit.  When we saw the palace, I thought it looked pretty familiar and kind of thought I had been there before.  When I got back to Münster, I looked at my pictures from my trip to Spain, France, and Italy in 2006, and sure enough- I had been to Avignon and had a picture of the palace at night! 

Papal Palace

Bridge to Nowhere

Nevertheless, the city was still beautiful and had a nice park situated atop the city that offered magnificent views of surrounding Provence.  There was also the "Bridge to Nowhere" which is a bridge that only goes halfway across the river- turns out the other part of it was destroyed a couple centuries ago.  It was another beautiful day, and we were tired from walking so we decided to sit down outside a pub to have a drink.  Turns out happy hour had just started, so we stayed for a couple and then got back to the train station at 8.  Well, this being France and not Germany...trains do not run as late.  So there were no more trains back to Montpellier.  We didn't realize this though, until we were on a train going the wrong way.  So Mollie talked to the ticket checker and he told us getting off at Arles, the next stop, would be the best bet.  Then we got stuck in Arles.

Mollie was kind of freaking out and I felt bad for not freaking out too, but honestly I was fine cause I hadn't lost my phone.  Everything in perspective!  She called all her friends though, and they told us there wasn't another train until the morning, so we took a cab into the center of town to a hotel they told us had vacancies.  Well, the hotel was locked.... so we continued walking, and the city was DEAD.  Like not a soul anywhere, it was actually kind of creepy.  Finally we saw the lights of a Best Western and knew that would be open, so we headed in there and purchased a room for the night.  The concierge was actually German who had American relatives and was living in France.  What a world!

We felt really, really, realllllly stupid about missing the train, but it was an honest mistake.  And I think it's really good we were with each other, because both of us have so much experience traveling and were able to keep calm and figure out what to do.  Grabbed some sandwiches and then passed out in our beds and had a nice night's sleep.  Woke up the next morning, and although we had to wear the clothes we had been wearing all day... we had clean underwear!!!  We had done some shopping again in Avignon, mainly along the lingerie lines, and hey- turns out to have been a clutch purchase because we had clean underwear to wear.  Headed down to a massive German-style breakfast and proceeded to stuff our faces.  Then headed out to explore Arles! 

Arles is very small but has lots of Roman stuff.  We passed by some Roman ruins and then by a big Roman arena!  It was raining most of the time we were there but the city was still really pretty.  Very quaint and French.  Again, the arena looked very familiar.... lo and behold I got home and looked back at my photos from that same trip and turns out I had been to Arles as well.  But I hadn't been with Mollie before!

Arena in Arles

After our exploring, we got on the train back to Montpellier.  It was still raining, but Sarah and I went for a run anyways.  Mollie went to practice and I packed up all my stuff and hung out with Sarah a bit...she got back pretty late and we concluded MSM in our pajamas on our electronix.  Lol.  It had been a very tiring and exhausting month!  And then I had to wake up at 5:30am to catch the shuttle to the airport for my morning flight back to Germany.  Hugged Mollie goodbye, but hopefully I'll see her again in May when we might take a random trip somewhere. 

Conked out on the flight again, and then flight attendant actually had to push me awake to put up the window shade during landing... embarrassing because I had drooled all over the place.  Classy, I know.  Do you drool more when you're tired??  Katherine and I were wondering this because she said she's been drooling as well even though both of us usually don't.  But I drooled in Berlin, in Montpellier, on the plane, and then in Mainz as well.  But after a couple good nights of sleep in my bed in Münster...no drool!  Sorry...TMI? ;)

Arrival back at good ol' Frankfurt Hahn and was welcomed back to Germany with snowwww!  Shuttle bus to Mainz where I Katherine and her friend Sam met us who had been visiting all week from the States.  We went to Austin's and just kind of hung out hiding from the snow.  Went and got a drink at a cute little German pub-- and the beer was only 3,50-- ahh times like these I love Germany!  Then got dinner at an Italian place and looking around me at everyone in the restaurant, I really was happy to be back in Germany.  The land of the tall and the blonde and the beautiful.  The land where I can understand people and speak to people.  The land where I understand trains and know that they'll run past 8pm and the land where I have a bank account and the land where I know what products each grocery store has and the land where I can complain about the weather all I want and fit right in with all the other Germans.

As I said, my week in France was great, but disappointing just along the cultural lines, but the pro that came out of that was missing Germany-- something I needed for these final three months here.  I went home last over a month ago now and was crying at the gate when I had to come back... because I was leaving my most familiar home.  But this time around, I was excited to get back to Germany because France was much more unfamiliar than Germany to me.  Mollie and I were talking about this while I was with her- she had a great time in Germany, but still really missed France... she knows France and knows how the people are and knows the culture and how to do day to day things.  And that's how I felt in France- I enjoyed my time and love visiting the beautiful country and eating the delicious food, but at the end of the day, I missed Germany- I missed familiarity- this country I've now lived in for a total of more than a year if you count my time abroad.  It's just a really cool thing to be able to know another country and culture so well, that you can actually miss it when you travel somewhere new-- and miss it first and foremost before your home country.

But the rest of Easter...!  Saturday was the only say from Friday-Monday that stores were open because of Good Friday, Easter Sunday, and Easter Monday (and the Europeans claim to not be religious...) so Austin, Katherine, and I spent a record amount of money at the grocery store for dinner and Easter brunch, and of course chocolate.  Katherine and I both gave up candy and chocolate for Lent so I was counting down the hours until Easter.  We cooked some dinner, drank a bit too much wine, and then headed to the Irish Pub where an Irish duo was playing and they were great!  The Guinness wasn't bad either!

The three of us shared Austin's double bed that night and I got the shaft and got stuck in the middle, but I didn't even mind too much because at least that kept me warm.  Woke up like kids on Christmas Day- the clocks moved forward an hour the night before so we were a little more groggy than usual.  Nevertheless, dressed in our Easter best and headed to the cathedral for church!  (NB- Germans do not share the concept of Easter best- although everyone stayed in their coats during the service, it was clear that the three of us were in the small minority that had dressed up for the occassion...c'mon!  Easter dress is one of the best parts of Easter!!) 

Service started at ten and we got there at 9:45 but still had to stand for the two hour service which was actually wicked painful, but I just kept thinking of Jesus the whole time.  The service was beautiful though-  I remembered back to Easter service I attended in Vienna when I was abroad, and the cardinal archbishop presided, and there was a massive choir and orchestra, and they did the entirety of one of the Bach masses and I was blown away.  This service was very similar- a massive choir and orchestra and the cardinal archbishop, but this time it was a Schubert mass.  After the service, we headed back, and I broke open the chocolate bar I had stored in my purse.  We had awoken to a bright blue sky, but when we left the cathedral, the sky had turned grey and then it snowed all day.  Thanks Germany.  Coldest March in 100 years is right.

Easter service in the Mainzer Dom

BRUNCH

Brunch was great--mimosas, french toast, fruit, eggs, sausage, and so much chocolate and candy I wanted to die by the end of the day.  We were all just so tired that we just layed around and watched movies all day and ate and played with snap peas.  Headed back to Katherine's, passed out, and then caught the train back to Münster in the morning.  It was a beautiful blue sky for the first day of April.  I shared a compartment with a nice old German lady who kept speaking German to me, but she spoke so quietly I couldn't really understand her, but a nice chat nonetheless.  And she gave me leftover purple dyed hard-boiled egg!  So nice!  Germans are the nicest! 

OKAY. WOW. That was lot.  If you're tired of reading this, don't worry, I'm tired of typing this.  I've been back in Münster the last couple years just sleeping, eating chocolate, and running because it's actually been really sunny and close to 50 degrees!  Amazing!  Heading to Hannover tomorrow for a couple days and then I'll be back on Saturday before work begins again on Monday!  That's a wrap!

An American in Berlin...and then where?

Yes, the famous Gershwin song is actually called an American in Paris, but for purposes of this blog, I'm changing it to Berlin.  This past week, all the American Fulbrighters, both ETAs and researchers, gathered in Berlin from Sunday through Thursday for a truly enriching conference.  For the first two days, the nearly 200 German Fulbrighters who will be headed to America in a few months joined us for the discussions, panels, and networking socials.  It was really great to see so many ETAs I had met at Orientation back in September and hadn't seen for so long, and it was also great to meet new people, Americans and Germans, and have stimulating conversation with everyone on a number of various issues.  The conference itself was great--Fulbright put us all up in the Park Inn--a swanky hotel in Alexanderplatz in Berlin.  They provided elaborate buffet breakfasts and dinner and a number of wine and hors d'oevures evenings (all for the sake of networking!) as well as rented out a nightclub in Berlin for all of us to party at on the last night.  That was a nice taste of America I've really missed!

A fellow ETA captured the aura and essence of conference perfectly in his own blog- after being scattered all around Germany for over six months now, there was something to be said about all of us coming back together again, really understanding each other and the whole reason that we're here.  Yes, all of us are teaching assistants in various types of schools and work for the PAD (the German education ministry), but we're more than just teaching assistants, we're working to help bridge the transatlantic gap between Europe and America as cultural ambassadors in a way.  Work can frequently be frustrating, because the teachers we work with at our schools don't know much about the Fulbright program except that it exists, and I know that I have gotten frustrated by this fact in my work because I want to be more than just a walking dictionary or real-life example of an American accent.

Whenever Germans find out I speak German and study German and have invested so much of my time into making a life for myself in this country, they always ask me Why?!  The Fulbright program honestly answers this question-- there still exists a special relationship between American and Germany, and America and Europe in general, and the Fulbright program seeks to highlight those special points.

Throughout the conference, we touched upon a number of subjects, some of the most interesting being the differences in social media presentation and use between American and Germany and then the differences between American and European tertiary education.  It was so enlightening to listen to the opinions of Germans and other Americans, all working in different fields, be it medicine, government, music, art, or language study.  All of this intellectual and inspiring and enlightening discussion planted a bit of nervousness and anxiety within myself.  For months, I've been so set on applying to grad programs in secondary education and excited about being a teacher in a couple years, after falling in love with it during my Fulbright experience, but after this conference, I'm starting to have second thoughts.  I was talking to Mollie for a while about this--but I just honestly don't know how much of my freaking out the last few months was due to winter depression and just doing everything I could to get out of Germany and Europe once my grant was completed, and how much of it was due to me actually wanting to go back to America and start my life.

Since graduating college, I've been on an emotional roller coaster, and as of late, I've been thinking of myself as super old and needing to figure out my life...but after this conference, I'm now realizing that I'm only 22! (Okay...only 22 for three more weeks...but still.  That's three more weeks to sing along to Taylor Swift's song.)  Now, I'm feeling almost the opposite.  By starting grad school in the fall, I'll finish my master's and be certified at 25...and then what?  Boom, that's the rest of my life?  To me, that's kind of scary.  Spending so much time with Mollie this month has sparked these new ideas in my head, as well.  If I go straight to grad school after this in America, I won't come back to Europe for an extended period of time.  So part of me feels like I'm almost cheating myself by just running away back to America because it's more comfortable for me.  Maybe I should try to be adventurous for another year and stay.  I just don't know.  And traveling to Munich and Paris and then to Berlin for this conference has just given me so many new ideas and thoughts and wonderings, and the fact that I'm now having second thoughts about something I was so certain about just one month ago really scares me.

Three years ago, I went on the Kairos retreat, and at the time, I was very unsure and questioning if I even had any faith in anything.  I talked to the priest who was there for the weekend with us, and I explained my issues to him.  He told me that in his opinion, the point of faith was to always be questioning your feelings and thoughts and the mysteries of the world, because you should never just be completely comfortable with the way things are or the way things are preached or carried out.  (Disclaimer of sorts- of course, he was a Jesuit, and my decision to get confirmed last Spring was based on the Jesuit idea of faith that influenced our education at BC--the idea of faith and reason and just that--the idea of always reflecting on your spirituality and faith and beliefs and what exactly they mean to you and how they influence your actions and such.)

Anyways, this is kind of how I feel about my approaching future- I had decided on something that I felt quite sure about, and I still am sure that this is what I eventually want to do, but now I'm just questioning the timing of everything and whether or not I owe it to myself to do something else for a little bit longer before I settle into my life and career.

For those of you reading this that have kept in close contact with me over the last several months, I'm sure you're reading this and thinking that I'm crazy--of course I want to come back to America and I've been so unhappy in Germany-- but as I said, that's why I'm confused.  Because I've been so happy this month with the brief week of Spring weather (although it snowed the entire week we were in Berlin) and traveling all over the place and then being engaged in stimulating conversation with brilliant peers of every background, so I just don't know how much of my depression and unhappiness was due to the abominable winter, which, just announced, was the worst on record in German history.

One more point to mention--I want to teach social studies because I want to teach kids and teenagers who are so self-centered and stuck in their own worlds how much the world matters and how important it is to be aware of everything going on around us every day....but how can I teach that well and thoroughly when I'm just running away from the world back to my home country where I feel more comfortable?

Yes, a little dramatic, but you all know me, and that's how I am.  I'm dramatic and volatile and am absolutely terrible at making decisions.  Unfortunately for me though, the clock is ticking...

What's a Honky Tonk?

My trip back to the States was now one month ago, but I think it was important enough that I should write about it.  Woke up bright and early at 5am to get myself on the bus and the train to the airport- felt kind of like a zombie the whole trip--boarded the plane and it was actually quite an enjoyable flight.  I had an aisle seat but the two seats next to me were empty, so I was able to use the seat next to me to put my legs up and nap a bit.  There were also the individual screens where you could pick your movies, so I watched "Lincoln"...fell asleep during some of it, but from what I did see, Daniel Day Lewis absolutely deserved best actor for his role.  The hardest part of the entire journey was getting through customs and immigration.  I've always been annoyed how America does this-- our flight got in during international rush hour, so there were hundreds of people waiting to get into the country.  For those of you who have done immigration at Dulles, you know that they divide it between American citizens and permanent residents, and everyone else.  Well, America has over 300 million citizens and even more residents, so that line usually ends up being longer than the other one, and then they have about the same number of checkers for each line- it never makes sense.  And then for permanent residents, they still have to give their fingerprints and a lot of them don't speak very good English, so our line ends up taking longer as well.  I know these are just little issues, but after sitting on a plane for nine hours, it's kind of a pain to deal with.  Grabbed my bags, and then it was another forty minutes to get through customs, despite having nothing to declare.  So all in all, it took two hours for me to get into my own country, whereas when I landed back in Germany a week later, it took me seven minutes to get in...lol.

Anyways, mom came in and greeted me with flowers, which was a welcome surprise!  Whenever I have flights landing after a long time, we always argue about whether or not she'll pay for parking to come in and greet me, and I was so emotionally drained after the past week that I didn't even ask her to come in this time, because I didn't have the strength to argue about it- so it really was an unexpected and welcome surprise to have her standing there.

Was welcomed to Virginia with cold temperatures but a beautiful blue sky!  Drove home, talked and talked and talked and talked and talked, ate and ate and ate, and then couldn't stay awake past 8:30 because of the jet lag.  I won't drag on about the details of my few days in Virginia, because it's all pretty irrelevant now- but got a temporary pass at the gym so was able to go there which was good, bought all my favorite foods I've missed in Germany, was able to get a quick coffee with Jennie, had  nice dinner and drinks with Will and Dan and we reminisced about the good ol' AJY days, stopped by the theatre and saw Danny after his birthday, stopped by Kelsey's and got to see her and her family, and was able to do simple things like watch HIMYM and The Bachelor on my TV with the DVR- it's the little things!  Remember that my mom moved about forty miles south of McLean over the summer when I was living in Boston, so we have a new house which I had only been in for five days in September before I left for Germany, so I came home to boxes upon boxes upon boxes, and this made it hard to see everyone whom I wanted to see because it was a forty-five minute drive to get back up to McLean, but I did what I could!

American noms that I've missed

Then came Thursday- set out on my 600+ mile drive to Nashville bright and early.  This was a longer drive than the 500 mile drive to Boston, but actually a lot easier, because it's literally on a two-lane highway for the entire trip, except right outside Nashville.  Also, the trip drove down through Southwestern Virginia and Northeastern Tennessee, aka right through the Appalachian Mountains, and the drive was absolutely breathtaking.  So much nicer than the boring highway drive up the East Coast to Boston.  I kept trying to snap pictures during the drive but none of them did the scenery justice.

Driving through the mountains

GORGEOUS sunset driving back from Tennessee

 
Forgot about the time change of one hour, so I was able to take a little longer at the rest stops to rest my legs.  Arrived in Nashville just before 5pm to pouring rain, but I was happy just to be there.  I was able to stay with my friend Katie, who went to BC with me.  She got a nursing position at Vandy Hospital and moved to Nashville just in January so it was so clutch to be able to stay with her for the two nights.  We grabbed dinner at a super hipster cafe next to her apartment, then we drove around the campus a bit, but since it was dark and raining, it was hard to see anything.  Katie had a night shift, so I went back to her apartment and just passed out around 10 because I was so tired.

Peabody quad

Up on Friday morning, and dressed in my preppy best-- skinny jeans, Sperrys, and a tucked in button-down shirt.  I walked the twenty minutes to Peabody Campus--it was an absolutely beautiful day in the mid-60s.  Well, arrived at the Visitation Day, and did not get the memo about business casual.  So, I was the only person of about 100 in jeans.  For those of you who know me well, you know how much I freak out about being under or overdressed for anything, so I was having a mild panic attack.  I had gotten a new iPhone on Monday, so I was incessantly iMessaging my mom freaking out about this debacle, and what do I do in awkward and uncomfortable situations?  Drink lotttttts of coffee.

I haven't been to one of these awkward social events in a long time (although I worked all of them over the summer hahaha), so I found one guy to ally myself with, and he ended up being in the same department as me, so I basically hung out with him all day.  Went in for the first big session to hear about Peabody in general, which was a little over an hour....well, the seats were quite tight and I was trapped.  Remember all the coffee I drank?  My bladder almost exploded, I thought I was literally going to pee my pants, it was terrible.  I kept glancing at my watch waiting for the session to end so I could dash to the bathroom.  I probably missed half of what was said in that session, I'm sure!

Finally- reprieve!  So, not the best start to this visitation day- but things started to look up.  We broke out into department sessions, and I met a girl who's a senior at BC this year and we started freaking out about BC, and then we took small group tours around Vandy, and low and behold, our tour guide graduated from BC in 2011!  Again, major freak out about BC.  During the lunch break, I was able to chat with her about what it was like coming from BC and Boston to Vandy and Nashville and got some good insider information.  The lunch break was nice--all sitting outside on the quad enjoying the beautiful weather.  More breakout sessions about everything we could possibly have questions on, and the day was finally ended with a wine and cheese social with current students, faculty, and professors.  Needless to say, got a little tipsy (free wine!  Grad school! Hahaha) but that little buzz helped me think clearly about the whole day.

As I've mentioned, Vandy is the #1 school for education in the country, and I had no idea what to expect at this visitation day, but I was so pleasantly surprised.  I learned so much about Nashville and Tennessee and how the city and state are really the frontrunners in education, and the federal government looks to them to try new things and research.  Also, I was so impressed with the students there- no one was stuck up or arrogant at all, and this was such a welcome surprise!  Everyone was so knowledgeable and had so much to offer because of so many various backgrounds, and it was so interesting to hear cross-department conversations about things I had never even heard of!  All of the faculty were also so welcoming--I know that this was a visitation day and so it's kind of all show, but it just really felt a lot more genuine than I was expecting.

Walked back to Katie's, reflecting on my day.  This is the thing about BC- I got so spoiled because now besides a great education, I expect a complete experience from a university, and that's what I'm ultimately looking for in my grad school selection.

(Update-- since I've gotten back to Germany, I have been accepted at BU and UVA, and I just found out two days ago that I was awarded the Dean's Scholarship at Vandy which will cover 1/3 of my tuition for up to three years, which is a big deal.  I think that was the sign I needed- when I got back to Virginia, I had already decided Vandy was absolutely my top choice, but it's so expensive that I couldn't justify going there over UVA where I get in-state tuition without a significant amount of aid, and considering I just won this award, I think my mind is basically made up.)

BTW- blue dot is where Nashville is, for my geographically challenged friends :)

Now, Friday night in a big city calls for a night out!  Katie and I made some dinner and got dressed up (I dearly miss this- getting ready to go out with my girlfriends-- just such a dearth of glamor in Germany) and Katie's friends from work came by and we all pregamed and then got some cabs to go down to Broadway, the main bar street in Nashville.

Broadway Street, downtown Nashville

Let's just say, it was a completely different world.  There were live bands on every floor of every bar, people were wearing cowboy hats and cowboy boots, the bands were playing country songs, and people actually asked me to dance rather than just attacking me from behind.  When one guy asked me to dance I actually had to tell him I had no idea how to dance because I was from Boston and we didn't do that up there....lol.  Also, "Vanderbilt" is basically the equivalent of saying Harvard down in the South and everyone was just instantly impressed- so I definitely was loving the attention for a bit.  But yes, our group hung out in two different bars, and just had a blast!  I've also really missed going out in America and dancing with my girlfriends and drinking Bud Light (believe it or not) because going out in Germany is just so much more laid back.

Katie and me at the Honky Tonk Central

Cabs back to Katie's after a long night, passed out on her air mattress, and woke up bright and early to make my way back to Virginia.  Had a lot of time on my drive to reflect about my day and the decision I had to make (and still have to make)!  Made a quick dinner stop in Blackburg to visit an old friend at Tech- when Becca and I went to Interlaken two years ago, we met a group of guys in our hostel and one of them was from Leesburg and was a year behind us at Tech.  He had no definitive plans for his European travels, so a week later he came up to hang out with us in Heidelberg and crashed at my place for a couple nights.  He ended up leaving one of his tshirts behind and I've had it for the last two years--I found it when I was unpacking boxes when I got home and texted him about it and told him I had to drive through Blackburg to get home and he said that if I dropped it off, he'd buy me dinner.  So there you go!  I got delicious Qudoba and he got his shirt back!

Left Blacksburg and made my way to Lexington where I was staying with Rachele for the night.  She goes to Law School and W&L and they were having their big law school gala/prom/dance thing that night so she bought me a ticket so I could join her.  Got dresses wicked fast, we went to her friend's to pregame, and then got to the dance around 9pm.  I wore my commencement ball dress and luckily, no one else was wearing it this time!  Open bar, so we drank a little too much wine, and there was also delicious food platters.  Had a great time with Rachele and got to know her new friends.  The morning was a little slow, but it was a gorgeous day in Lexington so I got to see some of the town and the law school.  Said bye to Rachele and made my way back home where I had one more night.

Me and Rachele before the dance

Mom made a big steak dinner, I told her all about my trip, and we watched the Oscars.  Monday morning was rush rush rush to pack up all my stuff and get to the airport.  Not gonna lie, I was dreading going back to Germany and was actually crying at the gate while waiting for boarding to start.  It's been a month since I was home so those feelings have subsided, but looking back on it, that week really was one of the best of my life.  That hiatus and respite was exactly what I needed.  I had been feeling so down about everything in Germany, even down on myself and my social skills and my ability to fit in with people, but the second I got back to the States, I was the Sabrina that everyone knows again (and hopefully most people love! haha)  I felt self-worth again, and at the Visitation Day, realized that I really do have a lot to offer, and in meeting new people like Katie's friends and Rachele's friends, and even meeting up with old friends like Will and Dan whom I haven't seen for ages, I realized that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, and that's why I say that my week at home was so necessary and beneficial.

Sunset as my flight left Washington

So there it is- a quick recap of America, Munich, and Paris.  Tomorrow morning I'm off to Berlin for the Fulbright mid-year conference until Thursday, and then I'll be in Montepellier with Mollie for a week, and then I'll be spending Easter weekend with Katherine in Mainz, and then another week off and I haven't planned what I'm going to do yet- needless to say though, lots more traveling coming up and hopefully by the time I get back to Münster, Spring will have hit!