A Maturing Sense of Time

I realized something when I was on the train home from Mainz yesterday, and it's something that I believe is happening to all recent college graduates, but something even intensified by living abroad--and that's a changing sense of time.  In college, everything was fast-paced and everyone was always busy and had a million things to do, but by the time senior year rolled around, I saw all of my friends basically at least once a day, whether it was in class, in my room, in their room, in the library, in the Rat, at band rehearsal, at work, or heading out to the Mods, MAs, or downtown.  If I didn't see one of my close friends for two or three days, it was a big deal.  It was something to be talked about.  It was a point of worry, sometimes even contention.

Boy, have things changed.  My closest friends that are also in Europe- if I see them once every few months, that's a big deal.  I've visited Paul in Hamburg three times now, and have visited Katherine four times and she's visited me once and then we saw each other at the Berlin conference, and Mollie and I saw each other for a total of two and a half weeks in March.  These are considered major accomplishments.  Now yes, I realize the distance thing is the main factor holding back more frequent visits-- but this is why I refer to a maturing sense of time.  Because we come to cherish these infrequent visits for all that they're worth because we can no longer take for granted that we'll all see each other in our apartments, at work, at rehearsal, walking across the quad, and no longer are our friends a walk across campus.

Besides friends that are cities and countries away, I've got a number of other assistant friends in my own city of Münster, and seeing them once every couple weeks is perfectly sufficient.  There may be a greeting of, "Oh wow, I haven't seen you in weeks!"  But unlike in college, this was never a point about which to quarrel or dwell on, rather just a simple fact of life.  I remember when I was younger and always thinking it so strange that my mom only saw her supposedly "good friends" every few weeks or so, or how she could have so many friends that she only saw a couple times per year.  When I went away to college almost five years ago, obviously I lost a lot of high school friends because we just stopped keeping in touch, but those with whom I stayed close, I only see them a few times a year (and this year even less), but that doesn't make them any less close to me.  I guess this is all part of growing up and as I said, maturing. 

Anyways, food for thought.

So, for those who don't know- I went to Heidelberg this past weekend to run the half marathon!  I ran with Katherine and two other ETAs who live near her, Selma and Heidi.  Needless to say, Katherine and I were not at all looking forward to this race.  We had been training quite a bit...until we had three straight weeks of vacation and traveling one month before the race.  I was supposed to run a half at the end of February but had to cancel that because I ended up going home that week.  Before that, I was up to eleven miles in training, but once I got back, it was MSM and non-stop traveling, so I never got back up past eight miles.  Fortunately, thirteen miles wasn't something too daunting, since technically with marathon training last year, I had already run at least five half marathons, but not more than eleven miles in the last year.

Anywaysssss, arrived in Mainz on Friday and Katherine and I ended up getting a bit drunk by accident on Friday night and woke up very hungover on Saturday- it was raining all weekend and we were exhausted by the time we got to Heidelberg on Saturday evening.  We crashed at our friend Eric's place and I kept waking myself up when I turned over on the air mattress and kept hoping that the race was done with, but it wasn't--and when we awoke at 7am by my alarm, I was actually dreading it.  I had only brought shorts and it was wicked cold.

Made our way to Uni Platz, fortunately it wasn't raining.  Found Selma and Heidi, did a bit of stretching, grabbed our numbers, and headed to the start line.  Started at a nice pace, and the weather actually ended up being PERFECT for a race-- just about 50 degrees and overcast.  I won't bore you all with race details, but the race was HILLY! Like WOW!  But it ran through the Altstadt and then through Neuenheim and then up the Philosophenweg and headed through the hills across the river into Schlierbach and then up to the castle and finally back down, ending back at Uni Platz.  The trail running was quite peaceful, but Heidelberg and its surroundings are so beautiful that it was hard not to stop and just bask in the scenery.  The hills were wicked tough, but we all finished!  I nearly didn't, because about 300meters from the finish line after 2km of downhill running, back onto the cobblestone of Hauptstrasse, I completely wiped out and literally rolled over, but I had fallen on my knee and had to run/limp to the finish line.  If it had happened any earlier in the race, I might not have been able to make it to the end. 

About halfway through- you can see the Alte Brücke way in the distance

"Free Beer for Runners"...this was around mile 9 or 10. Only in Germany.

#BostonStrong..and showing off my lovely wounded knee

Fulbrighters conquer the hills of Heidelberg!

As I said...the hills were no joke.

But the race itself was great-- after so much dread, it ended up being a great experience!  I ran Boston over a year ago now and I've since forgotten how exciting race day is and the whole atmosphere and how fun it is to be surrounded by thousands of other crazy people like yourself whose idea of fun is putting their body into a ton of pain!  It got my so psyched to continue racing and to now work on improving my times--hopefully get another half in this summer and then maybe the BAA Half in October and definitely the Country Music Marathon in Nashville next April!

Speaking of Nashville... it's official, I've decided I'll be going to Vanderbilt in the Fall.  A couple months ago, after Berlin, I wrote about perhaps wanting to stay, and that was more than just a fleeting idea-- I actually started applying to three programs, emailing the coordinators, securing my transcripts and diplomas from BC, writing essays, but in the last few days, my mind has moved back the other way and I just feel in my gut that this is the right move for me. 

My life abroad and in Germany is just way too unstable and volatile and lacks structure.  I know that by doing a Masters Program, I'd have much more structure than I do now or did when I was abroad, but in general, I can't continue this emotional roller coaster for another two years.  There are some crazy highs but the there are also some devastating lows.  I know for a fact that I can be happy at Vandy and in Nashville and that I want to teach, but there's too great a risk that I won't be happy if I stay in Germany, and looking back at how depressed I was this past winter, I just can't knowingly and voluntarily place myself in such a situation.  I know myself, and I don't like change and I do like structure and being busy and knowing how to function in a society by expressing myself, and after this crazily un-busy year, I want next year to be busy with learning and teaching and training for more races and watching TV online legally! (lol.)

So yes, I'm moving to Nashville in just a few months- southern Sabrina is becoming a reality after all these years!  I love Germany, and I love so much certain aspects of my life here--the independence, the bread, the bakeries, the lifestyle (sometimes), the attractiveness of the population (yeah, I said it), but I think more than my fondness for all of that is my fondness of the things that I miss in America.  Although I will say that I'm in a more stable state than I was several months ago when I was hating Germany and everything about it and the people and the culture and Europe in general.  And I'm in a better state than I was a few weeks ago when I started having anxiety about starting my degree at Vandy.  I've got an incredible two years ahead of me, that like my Fulbright, will open so many doors for me, and that's not something I should be afraid of, but rather, be excited about.  I've now got exactly two months left, and I'll make the most of them, and Germany and I will absolutely be leaving on good terms.  It won't be a messy breakup but I won't be getting dumped; rather, it will be a mutual parting, and we will always remain friends, saying Auf Wiedersehen with the hope of many more visits planted in our futures.

(But let's get real...we know I'm reaaaallly only returning for gastronomical reasons)

Sam Adams Seasonal

...and Mexican food