Anxiety:
1 a. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
b. A cause of anxiety: For some people, air travel is a real anxiety.
2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
3. Eager, often agitated desire
That's the only word that can completely describe how I feel right now. I don't know if I would add anxious-excited, or anxious-nervous, really just a bit of both. I went to bed around 2 last night and woke up at 7 unable to go back to sleep. I'm just too restless. I'm basically done packing and cleaning-- got my big suitcase to 22,9kg (limit is 23), got rid of all my food, have bags and bags of trash to throw out (bags of trash holding 4 pairs of shoes with which I'm going to have to part), I've dusted, and all I've really got left is vacuuming. I get checked out at 7am tomorrow, I'll take the 8am shuttle to the airport, get there around 9, sit at the airport for a good four hours, and in less than 24 hours, I will be sitting in my seat en route back to America. Living abroad for the past nearly half year has actually made me tune out the rest of the world. Considering I'm an International Studies major, that probably wasn't the best decision, but I felt relieved to not have to keep up with American politics. I knew what was going on in Germany, but all I really knew otherwise was what I saw every time I opened my internet browser on my CNN homepage-- I keep it like that so I at least know what's going on before I check my email or Facebook. I had heard about the debt crisis and such, but now I just started actually reading about it, and watched the first video of Obama speaking since I got to Germany- and I'm pretty nervous. Our country has just become so partisan, despite Obama's hope, and it's just disgusting. I was a big Obama supporter and then about a year later I just gave up on American politics because I honestly think that nothing is ever going to get accomplished, because the far rights and the far lefts would rather stop each other from accomplishing anything rather than working together. I just watched a short video where Obama basically pleaded to the American people for compromise. He talked about how the debt crisis cannot be solved solely by cutting spending. He begged the millionaires and billionaires of the country to help. Germany is by no means socialist, but it does have a very extensive and beneficial social-welfare system, which I studied in depth in one of my classes. Over my last five months here I have noticed how much more equal everyone is. I'm not saying that America should adopt the exact system, because it does have its cons-- especially in university, students aren't pushed to excel in the same way that they are in American universities, and they stay in school for many years longer because it's virtually free. In general, the population isn't working as creatively, because there's not as much opportunity to become rich and powerful. That statement was honestly not meant to be mean, it's just something I've noticed while here. Germany is the powerhouse of Europe and has one of the strongest economies in the world-- it just lent Libyan rebels $144 million and is bailing (perhaps not willfully...) out Greece-- it's obviously doing something right. But America has this as its motto, really. We learn from a young age to do our very best and are pushed and pushed and pushed to be the best in everything, and if we succeed, we'll earn the rewards. But honestly, the top 1% of the US population could give away so much of their money via taxes and these debt sealings and never even notice a difference. What good is their money just sitting in a bank? It's really disheartening to think that our country just can't even come together to fix itself, and would rather stay partisan. Both the Canadian and Australian dollars have passed ours, and it's probably I'm good I'm leaving the Euro-zone when I am, because the dollar is only going to get worse against the Euro if the US can't solve this problem.
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