A caveat before I begin- If you don't want to read a long and emotional post about me being sad, then stop reading right now.
If you saw my Facebook post yesterday, then you're aware that my phone got stolen on Saturday night when I was out in Cologne. This weekend is Karneval- and Cologne is German equivalent of New Orleans from Thursday through Tuesday. Rae and I went out in Münster on Thursday night for Weibefastnacht, and it was just an insane party the entire night. Friday was a day of recovery (and I had to work) and then the plan was to head down to Cologne on Saturday and come back to Münster on Tuesday (Cologne is two hours away on the train, but it's in Nordrhein-Westfalen, so we can travel there for free with semester tickets, which is super clutch). Some friends, Bruce and JJ, had splurged for a hotel room for the weekend and they invited Yishi and I to crash with them on Saturday night, since we figured we'd be out for most of the night anyways.
The night honestly started our great- we all got dressed up and there was loads and loads of glitter. We ended up spending most of the night at a bar/club, and lucked out by getting a booth right off of the dance floor. I was texting a bunch while we were out, so I had my phone sitting on the table, along with all of our purses and jackets and drinks. All of us were up and down, either to dance or to go to the bar, and sometime during those points while I was up, the phone was taken from the table. Once I realized it was gone, I searched everywhere--under the table, in all the seats, and at every other table-- we tried calling it but it was already off (and therefore, tracking it via Find My Phone didn't work) but it was still at over 50% battery in the middle of the night, meaning someone took it and turned it off because it wouldn't have died that fast. Unfortunately though, there's a sim-lock on it as well as a passcode lock that's gotta be entered to turn on the phone- so even if someone wanted to get it back to me (quite unlikely), they wouldn't be able to turn it off. As we got ready to leave the club, I literally went up to every person still there and asked if they had found an iPhone.
It's the hottest phone on the market right now, so I'm not surprised it was stolen. I just feel like such shit because it was a Christmas present- my mom bought it unlocked and paid even more for insurance to send it over here and then I had to pay 90 Euro at the customs office to get it- and I had it for a grand total of three weeks. It's not even a case of- oh, well I just need to be more careful next time, because I am always so careful with my phone. Even with iPhone back home, I always checked like ten times before going anywhere or getting off a bus or leaving somewhere that I had it, and would almost have heart attacks when I thought I had misplaced it.
I think the situation is exacerbated because I have honestly never lost anything in my life. Or had anything stolen in my life. Sometimes I'll misplace a pair of pants and never see them again, or leave a book on a bus or something- but I guess I've been quite fortunate that I've never had anything stolen, and I'm always wicked responsible with my things so I make sure not to lose them.
I know I'm sometimes naive, and people judge me for my really optimistic view of humanity and seeing the goodness in people, and I am quite aware that I really am too trusting of people, so it just sucks that this would happen. Some people just suck. If I had found a phone, I would try super hard to get it back to the person. Even when we were standing in line to get into the first bar, there was a five euro cover and the guy in front of me turned around and told me his girlfriend was inside and had his wallet and asked if I could pay for him, so I did, and literally two minutes after we walked in, he ran right up to me and gave me five euros and a beer. I also realize that I can't just blame someone for taking the phone- yes, I was a bit drunk and my situational awareness was not at its peak, but as I said, I am always so careful with that stupid phone, and I've been in much worse states and haven't lost it.
When we left the club I just started hysterically sobbing and couldn't stop- we got back to the hotel and I just sat in the bathtub for probably two hours sobbing- I feel so bad for Yishi, Bruce, and JJ having to listen to me (although Yishi did sit with me and helped calm me down). We got up and somewhat pulled ourselves together the next day, checked out, and then went on search for some food, and then late afternoon we all headed back home. As I said, I was supposed to stay til Tuesday because today (Monday) is the biggest day of celebrations in Cologne, with tons of parades and day drinking and costumes and craziness, and even all the Münster people headed down this morning, but I just couldn't justify celebrating when I feel like such emotional shit.
If you're still reading, I'm sure you're thinking something like, oh my goodness it's just a phone! And all my friends have tried calming me down saying at least I didn't lose my wallet or suffer any physical harm or anything. As my mom said, a phone is completely replaceable, but that's why I titled this post "more than a phone."
Even before I had the 5, I still had my 4 over here which I could use via wifi and still iMessage with everyone, and now that I don't have anything, I am just so emotional as I realize how much that tiny little contraption has helped me so easily keep in touch with everyone I love and miss back home, and as I was sitting on the train home yesterday evening, despite being surrounded by people, I had never felt more alone. And these waves of emotions just continued to hit me like bricks to the gut- and I realized how I'm just wicked tired of Germany and am just kind of counting down the months until I can go home.
Germany really is a great country, but it's just so crowded and there's so many people and sometimes I honestly just miss the superficial niceness of America. Münster is a great city and I really like my school and the teachers with whom I work and I've met some really great people, but I'm just so bored all the time. I work barely ten hours a week, and even with French class and going to the gym nearly every day, I just can't find enough things to fill my time. I feel like while I'm over here, I'm just living this life of mediocrity and have nothing to aim for or nothing to work for (hence why I signed up for a half marathon, so there was at least something to build up to) and then I applied to grad programs, and got in- so now that whole process is done.
I still remember the first couple weeks back in September when I was settling in and becoming acclimated to my new life (SAP, as Mark calls it- "Sabrina Adjustment Period") and I remember one night just laying in my bed and nearly crying thinking how the hell I was going to last until the next summer over here when I missed everyone back home so much, and feeling as if I was literally trapped in Germany.
If you want to punch me in the face right now, I completely understand- but hey, that's why I issued that caveat in the first sentence. I know that I'm basically living the life over here- the German and American governments are paying me to live in Germany and do next to no work- but that's just not the kind of person I am. And maybe that's the American in me- I gain joy from surrounding myself with those whom I love and those who love me back and just joy from working hard. And there's just a dearth of in my life in Germany.
It comes in waves of course, but for the most part, I'm lonely so much of the time. And that little iPhone, is a technological innovation that makes the loneliness so much easier. Sometimes I feel pathetic when I think about how much I rely on my friends to feel happy, and being able to talk to them, and sometimes wish I could be more independent-- I know some people here who don't even have phones and rarely go on Facebook and can go long stretches of time without keeping up with people, but then I have to remind myself that everyone is different. If I'm feeling like a weaker person because I'd rather maintain my relationships with people despite being 5,000 and more miles away from most of them, then I don't think that's so bad. Part of my experience at BC taught me that I'd rather have love in my life than to go globe-trotting and have adventures and be super independent and just do my own thing, as so many 20-somethings are prone to do. Yes, the phone is a material object, but it's an object that eases the process of maintaining all of my relationships, and because of that, it's a good worth it to me that when I go home next week, I'm going to get a new one.
My trip home in now less than a week honestly couldn't come soon enough- I really just need a respite- albeit a very short and busy one, but I'm just ready for a break from Germany.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
A Weird Day
Not weird bad...just weird notable I guess. I was thinking how I hadn't written in almost two weeks, and had the urge to write...although be warned- I really don't have a lot to say. This will mostly just be garrulous rambling. When I wrote my blog two years ago during my semester abroad, I always had updates about all of my grand adventures and the nuances of living in a foreign country. This time around, as I've frequently mentioned, is a much different experience, which I guess is why my posts are usually more on the reflective side than the descriptive side.
ANYWAYS. Today. Had to wake up at 7 because I had to sub for the 6th graders in first period. I see these kids at least three hours a week, and team-teach with their teacher and sometimes have them by myself, so approaching five months at the school now, we know each other pretty well. That doesn't mean they don't give me a hard time when I'm subbing though, haha. They weren't terrible today, just a bit rowdy and always pretending like they don't understand me when I speak English, but the lesson was fine. One of the kids though is a bit of a trouble-maker and kept running around and stealing the other kids' pencil cases and backpacks and such, and then he kept drawing penises on the board and making inappropriate hand gestures. These kids are very aware of sex, which I am always surprised about, but then when I think about it, I guess 6th grade was when I started becoming aware of sex, and that was about the age when boys didn't have cooties anymore. I remember the boy I had the biggest crush on, and I still remember one day during recess, sitting under the playground jungle gym, some of the kids coming up and making that gesture and finding out that day what it meant! Working in a school full of students from ages ten to eighteen has re-acquainted me with youth after living in a college bubble for the last four years and basically only interacting with professors and other college kids my age.
I only had that one lesson today though, so since it was only 9 I headed to the gym and tried out a class called "Hot Iron" which is actually exactly the same as the BodyPump class I would go to at the gym at home- so it was cool to see things transferring across continents! Afterwards, I was heading back to the locker room and I passed Kai, the trainer I had my initial session with (when you join, you meet with a trainer to establish a plan and figure out where you stand health and strength wise) and he said "Hi, how are you!?" and I said "Hi" back and kept walking and he stopped and said "Is everything okay?" and I was like, "Yeah...." and realized, oh! This is not America, where "Hi, how are you?" is a greeting, not actually a question...This is Germany, where, when you ask someone how they are, you're actually expecting an answer. So there was a nice cultural exchange.
And then another weird and awkward encounter. I decided to shower at the gym today instead of at home since I had so much time and was going to go in the sauna anyways. Well, true to the stereotype, Germans love being naked-- I've accepted it but am still not yet totally comfortable with it. Well, I was in the big shower room, and another lady came in and rinsed off and then left, and then I left about five minutes after. Stepped out of the shower room, and my towel was nowhere to be seen. I had noticed another red towel on the bench outside, which was also gone, but realized that this lady must've thought my red towel was her red towel. Shiiiiit. So I had to face my naked fears, and you know, fears of speaking to strangers in German, and go up to this lady and ask her if she had taken my towel. She realized she had, and was soooooo apologetic, I realized that she must've felt more awkward than myself! But the problem was solved and the awkwardness quickly passed- hurray!
Another weird part of today was the weather. Here's a recap:
Woke up at 7, got to school at 7:40.... dark and grey sky.
Teaching 8-9....torrential downpours.
Gym 9:15-12....blue sky emerging with some rays if sun.
12:15-2....heavy snow.
2-3:30....more blue skies emerging with some intermittent sun.
3:30-4:30....sleeting and raining and snowing and hailing.
5-now... it's just been grey skies again and now it's dark.
A lot of us Fulbrighters are hitting the mid-grant blues and restlessness, and February is usually the worst month of the year anyways- that awkward short time between winter and the start of spring, so I'm just waiting for this month to pass until we get to March and some great traveling to look forward to!
Speaking of February and traveling though... some news! I will be traveling home to AMURRRICAH on Sunday, February 17 until the evening of Monday the 25th. It was completely unexpected and it's just starting to sink in.
Why, you ask? Well if you haven't heard from me personally or seen my Facebook post, I got into Grad School! Which also, was completely unexpected. I applied to three graduate schools for education- Boston University, University of Virginia (ranked number 8 for my program and in-statue tuition), and Peabody College at Vanderbilt University (ranked number 1). BU's deadline was January 15th so I haven't heard back yet, and UVA's deadline isn't until next week so I won't be hearing back for while, and Vandy's deadline was December 31st, but they said I could still apply so I sent in my app on January 9th or so, but my recs and transcript and scores weren't even in until the next week, and then last Monday (two weeks after submitting my part of the application) I was skyping with my mom and received a generic email congratulating me on "an acceptance" and inviting me to a Visitation Day.
Ummm....did this mean I had been admitted? Because I hadn't heard anything. I emailed them back asking exactly this, and heard back from the assistant director that yes, in fact, I had been admitted! So there it was- my anticlimactic admittance to the top-ranked grad school in the country.
I had the whole next day to think about it and realized that it probably would actually be a good idea to attend the Visitation Day. If I had gone home for the holidays, another visit would be out of the question, but since I didn't go home, and have ultimately regretted that decision because I really miss America and home and such, mom and I both decided it was actually a pretty good idea. So I'll be home for a few days and then will drive down to Nashville (about an eight hour drive from my house) and will be able to stay with my friend Katie from BC who just moved to Nashville, and I'll be able to see the school, about which I've heard nothing but wonderful things.
Vandy is suuuuper expensive, and I won't find out if I've been granted any merit-aid until the end of the month, and it would make no sense to go there over UVA since I'm only going to grad school for teaching, but I can't say yes or no to a school I've never seen, and a city I've never seen, with the exception of a three-day visit back in 1998 when mom and I drove across the country from California to move back to Virginia.
I've been talking about this concept and idea with Amanda quite a bit over the past few months-- the notion and realization that our whole group of friends is actually realistically not going to end up back in Boston after this year, unlike how we thought things would shape out. I applied to BU because I couldn't let myself not apply to a school in Boston (I unfortunately missed the Harvard deadline), but I would pick Vandy or UVA above BU.
I keep thinking how many good things there would be about going to UVA- being less than two hours away from home, being close to friends and family I've had for decades, being close to my mom again and the opportunity to restore our relationship to what it used to be, and of course, going to school in beautiful Charlottesville. Also, I was so close to going to UVA for undergrad, but picked BC over it because I wanted to experience somewhere new. I don't regret that decision one bit, and found a true love in a city and my community at BC, but I've always had a soft spot and been fond of UVA- so how cool would it be to go there for grad school?!
But then there's the other part of me... It's the same part of me that picked BC because I wanted to experience a new place and new people, and it's the same part of me that told myself I would run the Boston Marathon in 2012, and that successfully did so. Vanderbilt's education school has been ranked number one for the last four years-- and I knowwww rankings are really not a huge deal, but there is something attractive about that.
I was never very fit or athletic in my life, and after gaining the freshman 15 after my first year at BC, I had a rude awakening and realized I needed to make some changes-- I needed to start eating healthier and exercising. It was a long process, but four years later, I confidently consider myself very healthy and very fit and quite athletic. I remember my freshman year self watching the runners in the Boston Marathon in 2009 and thinking how awesome it would be to run a marathon. This was myself that had never run at all, and had always had trouble running even for lacrosse and basketball back in freshman year of high school. By the time senior year of BC came around, I knew that I wanted to train for the marathon- and when I told all my friends, a lot of them assumed it was another Sabrina phase and I'd never actually do it, but come April 16, 2012- I finished those 26.2 miles from Hopkinton to Copley Square in the 90 degree heat (with my dear friend, Steph!) It was honestly the greatest thing I've ever accomplished, and those four months of intense training showed me just how amazing humans can be and just how much we're capable of. I've been training for a half marathon (which I'm actually now going to miss because I will now be in Nashville on the day of it, but I'll do another one in April!) and I almost feel unfulfilled, knowing that I've already done the holy grail of marathons, and this is just a half. (Another attractive quality of Nashville- it's got the Country Music Marathon every April- a quite famous marathon which I'd love to run!)
How does this relate to grad school? Well, I got into the number one school and part of me just can't imagine saying no to that. Saying no to all the opportunities I'd have there to explore other facets of education besides teaching. I was always a high-achiever in high school, and kind of forgot about that when I got to BC, because everyone there was so smart, so it was easy to get lost in the crowd. I graduated with honors, but never felt exceptional at all-- and even after being awarded a Fulbright, I still didn't feel that confident with myself and my abilities. This acceptance to Vandy though, is pretty cool. I haven't had such levels of excitement with it that I've had with other achievements because it's been such a quick process-- the process of applying to undergrad was basically two years between visiting schools, taking the SATs, and applying to and waiting to hear from schools. My Fulbright process was nearly eight months between starting the essay writing and hearing the final decision.
Grad school was a completely different story, though... and I am still kind of taken by surprise. I decided to take the GREs at the end of October, I took them December 1st, decided on a teaching program at the end of December, and spent the first week of January glued to my computer completing applications practically a world away. And then at the end of January I heard good news from my reach school.
So, basically a month between deciding on a program and receiving an acceptance. Such speed is quite foreign to me, so I guess it just hasn't sunk in. If you had asked me three months ago if I would go to grad school after Fulbright, I would've said probably not, and if you had asked me four years ago, I would have said absolutely not.
But things change. It's taken a lot to realize this. Especially regarding the fact that I will not be returning to Boston straight away. I already listed all the pros of going to school close to home, but part of me still wants to much to experience a new part of the country. I grew up in DC/NoVA, and although I love it, I don't want to end up there-- I found a place I love in Boston-- I tried the Europe thing and realized I don't want to be here permanently-- but part of me still wants to experience the South/Midwest (Nashville's kind of on the border of them) just to make sure I'm not missing out on anything!
Those are all of running thoughts today and this past week. It has started to sink in that I'll be going home in less than two weeks, but the strangest part will be the fact that I will have to come back here for another 4+ months, and when I meet new people at Visitation Day, I'll be saying that I currently live in Germany... and I'll be wearing weird clothes. Anyways, after all of this reflection, I could end up going to Nashville and not liking it or actually not liking the school, and then there'd be no contest....but I doubt that will happen, and if my doubts are indeed doubts, then I'll have a big decision ahead of me.
ANYWAYS. Today. Had to wake up at 7 because I had to sub for the 6th graders in first period. I see these kids at least three hours a week, and team-teach with their teacher and sometimes have them by myself, so approaching five months at the school now, we know each other pretty well. That doesn't mean they don't give me a hard time when I'm subbing though, haha. They weren't terrible today, just a bit rowdy and always pretending like they don't understand me when I speak English, but the lesson was fine. One of the kids though is a bit of a trouble-maker and kept running around and stealing the other kids' pencil cases and backpacks and such, and then he kept drawing penises on the board and making inappropriate hand gestures. These kids are very aware of sex, which I am always surprised about, but then when I think about it, I guess 6th grade was when I started becoming aware of sex, and that was about the age when boys didn't have cooties anymore. I remember the boy I had the biggest crush on, and I still remember one day during recess, sitting under the playground jungle gym, some of the kids coming up and making that gesture and finding out that day what it meant! Working in a school full of students from ages ten to eighteen has re-acquainted me with youth after living in a college bubble for the last four years and basically only interacting with professors and other college kids my age.
I only had that one lesson today though, so since it was only 9 I headed to the gym and tried out a class called "Hot Iron" which is actually exactly the same as the BodyPump class I would go to at the gym at home- so it was cool to see things transferring across continents! Afterwards, I was heading back to the locker room and I passed Kai, the trainer I had my initial session with (when you join, you meet with a trainer to establish a plan and figure out where you stand health and strength wise) and he said "Hi, how are you!?" and I said "Hi" back and kept walking and he stopped and said "Is everything okay?" and I was like, "Yeah...." and realized, oh! This is not America, where "Hi, how are you?" is a greeting, not actually a question...This is Germany, where, when you ask someone how they are, you're actually expecting an answer. So there was a nice cultural exchange.
And then another weird and awkward encounter. I decided to shower at the gym today instead of at home since I had so much time and was going to go in the sauna anyways. Well, true to the stereotype, Germans love being naked-- I've accepted it but am still not yet totally comfortable with it. Well, I was in the big shower room, and another lady came in and rinsed off and then left, and then I left about five minutes after. Stepped out of the shower room, and my towel was nowhere to be seen. I had noticed another red towel on the bench outside, which was also gone, but realized that this lady must've thought my red towel was her red towel. Shiiiiit. So I had to face my naked fears, and you know, fears of speaking to strangers in German, and go up to this lady and ask her if she had taken my towel. She realized she had, and was soooooo apologetic, I realized that she must've felt more awkward than myself! But the problem was solved and the awkwardness quickly passed- hurray!
Another weird part of today was the weather. Here's a recap:
Woke up at 7, got to school at 7:40.... dark and grey sky.
Teaching 8-9....torrential downpours.
Gym 9:15-12....blue sky emerging with some rays if sun.
12:15-2....heavy snow.
2-3:30....more blue skies emerging with some intermittent sun.
3:30-4:30....sleeting and raining and snowing and hailing.
5-now... it's just been grey skies again and now it's dark.
A lot of us Fulbrighters are hitting the mid-grant blues and restlessness, and February is usually the worst month of the year anyways- that awkward short time between winter and the start of spring, so I'm just waiting for this month to pass until we get to March and some great traveling to look forward to!
Speaking of February and traveling though... some news! I will be traveling home to AMURRRICAH on Sunday, February 17 until the evening of Monday the 25th. It was completely unexpected and it's just starting to sink in.
Why, you ask? Well if you haven't heard from me personally or seen my Facebook post, I got into Grad School! Which also, was completely unexpected. I applied to three graduate schools for education- Boston University, University of Virginia (ranked number 8 for my program and in-statue tuition), and Peabody College at Vanderbilt University (ranked number 1). BU's deadline was January 15th so I haven't heard back yet, and UVA's deadline isn't until next week so I won't be hearing back for while, and Vandy's deadline was December 31st, but they said I could still apply so I sent in my app on January 9th or so, but my recs and transcript and scores weren't even in until the next week, and then last Monday (two weeks after submitting my part of the application) I was skyping with my mom and received a generic email congratulating me on "an acceptance" and inviting me to a Visitation Day.
Ummm....did this mean I had been admitted? Because I hadn't heard anything. I emailed them back asking exactly this, and heard back from the assistant director that yes, in fact, I had been admitted! So there it was- my anticlimactic admittance to the top-ranked grad school in the country.
I had the whole next day to think about it and realized that it probably would actually be a good idea to attend the Visitation Day. If I had gone home for the holidays, another visit would be out of the question, but since I didn't go home, and have ultimately regretted that decision because I really miss America and home and such, mom and I both decided it was actually a pretty good idea. So I'll be home for a few days and then will drive down to Nashville (about an eight hour drive from my house) and will be able to stay with my friend Katie from BC who just moved to Nashville, and I'll be able to see the school, about which I've heard nothing but wonderful things.
Vandy is suuuuper expensive, and I won't find out if I've been granted any merit-aid until the end of the month, and it would make no sense to go there over UVA since I'm only going to grad school for teaching, but I can't say yes or no to a school I've never seen, and a city I've never seen, with the exception of a three-day visit back in 1998 when mom and I drove across the country from California to move back to Virginia.
I've been talking about this concept and idea with Amanda quite a bit over the past few months-- the notion and realization that our whole group of friends is actually realistically not going to end up back in Boston after this year, unlike how we thought things would shape out. I applied to BU because I couldn't let myself not apply to a school in Boston (I unfortunately missed the Harvard deadline), but I would pick Vandy or UVA above BU.
I keep thinking how many good things there would be about going to UVA- being less than two hours away from home, being close to friends and family I've had for decades, being close to my mom again and the opportunity to restore our relationship to what it used to be, and of course, going to school in beautiful Charlottesville. Also, I was so close to going to UVA for undergrad, but picked BC over it because I wanted to experience somewhere new. I don't regret that decision one bit, and found a true love in a city and my community at BC, but I've always had a soft spot and been fond of UVA- so how cool would it be to go there for grad school?!
But then there's the other part of me... It's the same part of me that picked BC because I wanted to experience a new place and new people, and it's the same part of me that told myself I would run the Boston Marathon in 2012, and that successfully did so. Vanderbilt's education school has been ranked number one for the last four years-- and I knowwww rankings are really not a huge deal, but there is something attractive about that.
I was never very fit or athletic in my life, and after gaining the freshman 15 after my first year at BC, I had a rude awakening and realized I needed to make some changes-- I needed to start eating healthier and exercising. It was a long process, but four years later, I confidently consider myself very healthy and very fit and quite athletic. I remember my freshman year self watching the runners in the Boston Marathon in 2009 and thinking how awesome it would be to run a marathon. This was myself that had never run at all, and had always had trouble running even for lacrosse and basketball back in freshman year of high school. By the time senior year of BC came around, I knew that I wanted to train for the marathon- and when I told all my friends, a lot of them assumed it was another Sabrina phase and I'd never actually do it, but come April 16, 2012- I finished those 26.2 miles from Hopkinton to Copley Square in the 90 degree heat (with my dear friend, Steph!) It was honestly the greatest thing I've ever accomplished, and those four months of intense training showed me just how amazing humans can be and just how much we're capable of. I've been training for a half marathon (which I'm actually now going to miss because I will now be in Nashville on the day of it, but I'll do another one in April!) and I almost feel unfulfilled, knowing that I've already done the holy grail of marathons, and this is just a half. (Another attractive quality of Nashville- it's got the Country Music Marathon every April- a quite famous marathon which I'd love to run!)
How does this relate to grad school? Well, I got into the number one school and part of me just can't imagine saying no to that. Saying no to all the opportunities I'd have there to explore other facets of education besides teaching. I was always a high-achiever in high school, and kind of forgot about that when I got to BC, because everyone there was so smart, so it was easy to get lost in the crowd. I graduated with honors, but never felt exceptional at all-- and even after being awarded a Fulbright, I still didn't feel that confident with myself and my abilities. This acceptance to Vandy though, is pretty cool. I haven't had such levels of excitement with it that I've had with other achievements because it's been such a quick process-- the process of applying to undergrad was basically two years between visiting schools, taking the SATs, and applying to and waiting to hear from schools. My Fulbright process was nearly eight months between starting the essay writing and hearing the final decision.
Grad school was a completely different story, though... and I am still kind of taken by surprise. I decided to take the GREs at the end of October, I took them December 1st, decided on a teaching program at the end of December, and spent the first week of January glued to my computer completing applications practically a world away. And then at the end of January I heard good news from my reach school.
So, basically a month between deciding on a program and receiving an acceptance. Such speed is quite foreign to me, so I guess it just hasn't sunk in. If you had asked me three months ago if I would go to grad school after Fulbright, I would've said probably not, and if you had asked me four years ago, I would have said absolutely not.
But things change. It's taken a lot to realize this. Especially regarding the fact that I will not be returning to Boston straight away. I already listed all the pros of going to school close to home, but part of me still wants to much to experience a new part of the country. I grew up in DC/NoVA, and although I love it, I don't want to end up there-- I found a place I love in Boston-- I tried the Europe thing and realized I don't want to be here permanently-- but part of me still wants to experience the South/Midwest (Nashville's kind of on the border of them) just to make sure I'm not missing out on anything!
Those are all of running thoughts today and this past week. It has started to sink in that I'll be going home in less than two weeks, but the strangest part will be the fact that I will have to come back here for another 4+ months, and when I meet new people at Visitation Day, I'll be saying that I currently live in Germany... and I'll be wearing weird clothes. Anyways, after all of this reflection, I could end up going to Nashville and not liking it or actually not liking the school, and then there'd be no contest....but I doubt that will happen, and if my doubts are indeed doubts, then I'll have a big decision ahead of me.
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